VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Ok heres some jokes What grey, got 4 legs and a trunk? A mouse going on holiday Whats brown, got 4 legs and a trunk? what that you say a mouse coming back from holiday? no your wrong its a suntanned elephant Whats green and furry and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? a snooker table Bonus locked! 1
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 A man walks in to a shop and asks for a packet of helicopter crisps. The shopkeeper replies, "Sorry, I've only got plain." What do you call a septic cat? Pus Two motorways are in a bar. In walks a skinny strip of pink tarmac who pushes past them, spilling their drinks. The motorways act as if nothing happened. A B-road says to them, "You're not going to let him get away with that, are you?" The motorways reply, "We're not messing with him! He's a cycle-path!" Plenty more where they came from... Bonus locked!
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Hold up...why does Gonk get a round of applause? Did you not see the theme tune video?
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Whats E.T. short for? He's only got little legs Whats red and sits in the corner? A naughty strawberry Why are there airports in the Amazon? Coz Jungle iz massive (apologies if any have been posted before - im off to give myself a slap for such poor joke-age..) Bonus locked 1
featured_spectre Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Did you not see the theme tune video? No, but I shall look for it!
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 OK here goes. Joe Faze is the owner of a seafood restaurant. In the restaurant is a large fish tank from which diners can choose what they would like served up on their plate. In the large fish tank is an old squid, light green in colour with a little moustache. The squid has been in the tank for years and all the staff have become quite attached to him - they even named him Colin. One day, a man enters the restaurant and, much to Joe's horror, chooses Colin as his main course. Joe tries his best to dissuade the man, but he insists on the old squid. Trembling, Joe puts the net into the tank and captures Colin. With tears in his eyes, he carries the squid through to the kitchen. With his knife poised to prepare the squid for the dinner table, suddenly Joe breaks down. "I just can't do it. Not to Colin." Sobbing his heart out, he calls over Hans, his chief washer-upper. "You'll have to do it," Joe tells Hans. "What? Kill Colin?" asks Hans, "I... I... I..." Hans, too, bursts into floods of tears and the two men return Colin to the fish tank. This only goes to show that (are you ready for it?) "Hans that do dishes can be soft as Joe Faze with mild green hairy-lipped squid." What a payoff. Al 1
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Hold up...why does Gonk get a round of applause? I guess Andy and Steve must have really liked his STOCKTOBER2! theme tune: Reminder: http://youtu.be/JAIuDlrwT4I Thanks again @Gonk Al
featured_spectre Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Al...~I have a joke which reads like a novel, for an EPIC payoff...but it beats the limit for characters on here...I could put up the notepad file.
Gonk Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I guess Andy and Steve must have really liked his STOCKTOBER2! theme tune: Reminder: http://youtu.be/JAIuDlrwT4I Thanks again @Gonk Al Why do I get the feeling that next year at BETT everyone will be pointing at me and whispering in hushed tones about my lack of singing ability...
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Why do I get the feeling that next year at BETT everyone will be pointing at me and whispering in hushed tones about my lack of singing ability... They will probably be too busy asking "Wait, is that Miles Jupp?"
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) Al...~I have a joke which reads like a novel, for an EPIC payoff...but it beats the limit for characters on here...I could put up the notepad file. DO IT. [i searched through the thread in vain for an image that had been posted earlier to accompany this phrase, but despite my best efforts I couldn't find it. I think it was @[u]sparkeh[/u] or @plexer who posted it, but I could be wrong] EDIT: @sparkeh found it for me: Looking for this? http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHBlyiNd68Wv7cfMFnO8Pkc8unLNp0tb_5SS6pcNBCUxzt63Qw Edited October 16, 2013 by VeryPC
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Woo!!!!! Can I have box number 10 please? Sure thing. Prize reveal coming up a bit later. Al
X-13 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 DO IT. [i searched through the thread in vain for an image that had been posted earlier to accompany this phrase, but despite my best efforts I couldn't find it. I think it was @[u]sparkeh[/u] or @plexer who posted it, but I could be wrong] All I could find was this: http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTC8wO0oS_bTrZWVZkFjDbd5Te90ktqbrUy4TLACGbsrtxB67xG Way back on page 43 [or there abouts.] 1
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 All I could find was this: http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTC8wO0oS_bTrZWVZkFjDbd5Te90ktqbrUy4TLACGbsrtxB67xG Way back on page 43 [or there abouts.] Thanks for looking, but not that one. It was jpeg of Ben Stiller in 70's hairdo and facial hair mode with the words DO IT! in those white with black outline characters that get used so much. Had a right search - couldn't find it. Al
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Thanks for looking, but not that one. It was jpeg of Ben Stiller in 70's hairdo and facial hair mode with the words DO IT! in those white with black outline characters that get used so much. Had a right search - couldn't find it. Al Looking for this? http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHBlyiNd68Wv7cfMFnO8Pkc8unLNp0tb_5SS6pcNBCUxzt63Qw 1
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Looking for this? http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHBlyiNd68Wv7cfMFnO8Pkc8unLNp0tb_5SS6pcNBCUxzt63Qw Yeah that's it. My description was a bit off, but obviously near enough to identify. Cheers. Al
X-13 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 My description was a bit off, but obviously near enough to identify. I knew exactly what you were on about when you said it.
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 One long joke Only 15 pages long? Sheesh.
featured_spectre Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Well it would be 6 posts worth on here...and they would be long posts...
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Only 15 pages long? Sheesh. Read the last two paragraphs, you'll get the idea.
Oaktech Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Oooo... seeing as how we haven't moved on from telling jokes: There are 2 types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data and. 1
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