stephenleak

Try this, guys ...portable_stress_reliever.doc

From the table in the Code of Practice, the suggested figures for IT equipment in a school are ... User Check: Weekly Visual Inspection: Class 1 (Earthed) - None Class 2 (Double Insulated) - 12 months Combined Inspection & Testing: Class 1 (Earthed) - 12 months Class 2 (Double Insulated) - 48 months.

I don't suffer from stress, altho' my ex-wife-to-be reckons I am a carrier.

Woohoo! I passed my City & Guilds Inspection & Testing of Electrical Equipment (aka PAT Testing) exam yesterday! Another "sustificut", as we say in Bristle. Another entry on the CV.

If you really want to annoy an American, get the conversation onto the War of Independence. They will, as it their way, try to win it all over again. Let them. Then point out to them that, at the time, they were, strictly speaking, still English. Gets them every time.

What anti-virus software are you running?

Signed. FFS. I accept that the Red Arrows are a military outfit but, even discounting the obvious modern archery and rifle shooting, the classical olympic sports of javelin and discus were originally based on skills with weapons. Who else would they suggest? The "Utterly Butterly" wingwalking team? Actually, now that I come to think about it, they might be more appropriate after all ... I despair.

This can be combined into an old Scottish cold remedy with the addition of a bed and a bowler hat. You position the bowler hat at the foot of the bed. You position yourself and the hot toddy at the top of the bed. Take a sip of the toddy. Look at the bowler hat. Repeat the last two steps until you can see two bowler hats.

Whilst I have no sympathy whatsoever with child pornography, I fear that, these days, Michaelangelo would not be able to create a Madonna and Child.

I think I can beat you. Bristol Grammar School, late 60's. I can clearly remember Mr Smith (one of those old-fashioned inspirational teachers) doing binary, using the triple light switch in the classroom. OK, it only went up to 111 (aka 7), but it was probably the very start of my own personal slippery slope to where I am today.

Stuck on with superglue? Snip of that little tab on the back, use Araldite, and lots of it, so they can't get a purchase on it! Sod it, leave them and just tell them that this is what you have to live with thanks to the little vandals. Tell them to just look on it as practice for their ASBO's. However, back to reality - any admin' Optiplexes you could borrow doors/badges from temporarily?

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html ... is also worth a daily click.

Odd. We use ICT, 'cos we look after the network and also the 'phone system which also runs over the network. The teaching department is IT.

If its an internet radio, why has it got an aerial? I'll get my coat ...

So, just downsize to one printer, housed in a bio-hazard room. Problem (and others, like ordering scores of different cartridges, annual audit, etc.) solved.

We will be spending a week refurbishing another IT suite of 31 PC's. I still need to find something financially lucrative to cover the drop in earnings. Unfortunately, the above week will be the exam results one, so splits my "moonlighting" time in half.

If you are going to reset any date settings, don't do it tomorrow. You won't know which date format they are in!

I particularly like the bit in the usage guidelines about ... When entering the beam, users should not look towards the audience for more than a few seconds. Encourage users to keep their backs to the projector beam when standing in it. The only problem with this is that, from what I've seen so far, teaching in my school is like staring down a pack of wolves. If you break eye contact with any one of them for a second, they will be at your throat!

Money wise, the £20 per month Carphone Warehouse Talk Talk combined broadband & telephone package is hard to beat.

Guys, just think of it this way. Men = IBM compatible PC's. Women = Apple Macs.

I only get the first six frames ...

We only do this, if we've been asked to do something we don't want to do and can't come up with a good enough excuse ourselves.

I get this with a new job, going on holiday or training courses, moving home - anywhere where you encounter new people and new germs. And air con' is just a mass transit system for germs. It amazes me how many people don't realise this - do they think the air is bubbled though a vat of Dettol? I recommend good personal hygeine, keeping yourself fit, balanced diet, multivitamins and iron tablets and cod liver oil capsules just in case the diet gets unbalanced, and mouthwash and/or alcohol to get the little b*gg*rs as they land.

No, the one in the book and the film, not the "telly"! The CCTV cameras have earned their keep again. Not damage (thats why this isn't posted there), but a case of an offensive and libellous printout. Thanks to the cameras, we could identify which PC the prime suspect was using at the time. Going into it using his ID found two incriminating files on his network drive and in the IE temporary files. Event viewer showed the print request and the cameras saw the now culprit taking the identifiable document from the printer!

Yes, I know that its a long way off, but ... Those of you also on "pro rata, term time" contracts, what do you do, or can recommend, for temporary gainful employment during August?