Hard time

[sonofsanta]

Getting used to the quietness is the hardest thing. I'm lucky in that I've never lived alone - when I moved out it was to uni, then after uni moved back in to my parents (which as stated, is worse than when you move out) and then in with my gf. Although it was still very strange at first and did choke me up, having people around a lot made it easy. Being the last one left in the house at the end of term though? Just not nice.

 

So, to reiterate - get people over!

[sippo]

Get a grip. You are 25!. Have a house party and enjoy you new found freedom!

 

Spot on. Life at that age was immense. Wish I was that age again! I got my first bachelor pad when I was 20ish. Roll on the parties!

[korifugi]

Moving house is stressful - doubly so if it's your first own place, considering all the ironing/bills/budgeting/cleaning/assorted cr@p that goes with it.

 

Take the chance to relax and do a few things that you could never do while at your parents house, get a few beers in and lounge infront of the telly/games console, order pizza and don't tidy the box away for a day(week?) or two, leave the toilet seat up, squeeze the toothpaste from the middle!

 

(Okay started to go off the rails a little there but you get the idea!)

 

Remeber it's YOUR place now and as such you make the rules - as other people have posted invite a few mates over and have a party, not only will that de-stress you but you'll also start to think of the place as more of a home.

[Guest Htech]

I moved out when i was 17, been away from parents now for two years.

 

Having friends round is the only thing thats kept me sane. Just Never ever ever ever watch another scary movie ever again.

 

Things that shouldnt happen in a house start to happen! E.g

 

Ice builds up at the top of freezer then drops down (Sounding like a draw has just slammed closed)

The Sign on the outside of the house starts Flapping in the wind (Sounding like Knocking on the walls)

The handle on the door sticks down, so as your in bed it slowly starts to creek back into its normal possition (Like someone is opening it)

 

ahhh im not sleeping tonight....

[Hightower]

Ah well, here we are nearly 3 months after I first moved in. And guess what...... nothing has changed. I want to sell up shop and move to the same village as my family and friends. So, now I've got to weigh up what it's going to cost me to move. Solicitors, estate agents, mortgage penalties. I really want to get the estate agents out to value the house, but I'm so worried they'll tell me it's not worth as much as I paid for it.

[Sarconia]

If you're truly not happy where you are and think you'll be happier closer to wherever your home is then go for it, just beware that it will cost you. Surely though... the value of the house can't have fluctuated that much in 3 months?

[jcollings]

If you're really not happy there (and 3 months is quite a short time to know) then do it. It will cost money but in the scheme of things your happiness is worth much more than cash (IMHO).

 

I bought and sold a flat within 8 months because I hated it - it cost me a couple of grand but the relief I felt when I handed the keys overs was immense!

[mossj]

Ah well, here we are nearly 3 months after I first moved in. And guess what...... nothing has changed. I want to sell up shop and move to the same village as my family and friends. So, now I've got to weigh up what it's going to cost me to move. Solicitors, estate agents, mortgage penalties. I really want to get the estate agents out to value the house, but I'm so worried they'll tell me it's not worth as much as I paid for it.

 

How far away from your friends is it?

 

I moved out at 17 and it's been over 5 years now, it helped alot having a car for jaunts back to my local friends.

 

If you have more than one bedroom, consider renting the other(s) will make your life alot more 'interesting' (and you will 'usually' end up sharing your social circles)

 

 

p.s if your house has dropped in value chances are everyone in the locality has aswell, so you won't have to downsize or anything...

[Hightower]

Thing is, this is our first house (mine and the missus). The outstanding on the mortgage is more than the mortgage as we had the mortgage product fees put on top, so the first few months is just spent paying those off. How much does a solicitor charge to sell? It was about £700 to buy. Also, estate agents are going to be around a grand. So yes, it is going to be pricey to move so soon into a mortgage but as the missus says, "if it's affecting your health then we need to move". The thing is it is starting to I believe. The thought of going back 'home' makes me feel sick. I'd rather stay at work until 10pm then go back 'home'.

 

I've just come away from a meeting, and I struggled to take in a lot of it because I was sat worrying about having to 'home' tonight. I don't know why I'm worrying and the only thing I can guess is causing it is being away from family and friends.

[Little-Miss]

How does the misses feel?

[IanT]

I felt the same when I moved out, I felt a bit down for a few days.................im alright now! lol

[sippo]

Like MossJ says, what is the distance from your friends?

[Hightower]

Like MossJ says, what is the distance from your friends?

 

It's just down the road - about 10 minutes in the car. The thing is I have a strong group of drinking buddies that I play football with, and obviously can't spend the time with them as I would need to drive home. By living in the same village I could go out with them still and not worry about how I would get home.

 

How does the misses feel?

 

She loves the house! That's the thing that's annoying me because I want to stay there for her, but she can see I'm not myself and she is actually starting to worry for me.

[sippo]

Surely it's only a taxi ride away then? I would suggest getting the boys around yours! What with the nice weather beer and bbq...have a party...

 

Have you maybe thought it maybe something deeper than just the house? Is work/relationship ok? I don't mean to pry so don't answer if you feel you can't. You're obviously going through a lonely time...

[RinSewand]

Might be an obvious suggestion - but could you not taxi it home? (maybe get a lift there from a mate to reduce costs?)

 

And I feel for you, not feeling like you've got a home, and it's more just a house, is never good. hope you get something sorted out soon mate - whatever that requires. And much as your girlfriend loves the place, I'm sure she cares for you more, and would love somewhere else just as much, perhaps more so if it ment you were happy too...

[Hightower]

Have you maybe thought it maybe something deeper than just the house? Is work/relationship ok? I don't mean to pry so don't answer if you feel you can't. You're obviously going through a lonely time...

 

That's just it though - my relationship is better than ever, and work is my get-away at the minute. I love them both very dearly. I've always been my Dads shadow and I think that's maybe the hardest part. A 10 minute car journey is a long way away when I'm used to being by his side.

[sippo]

How old are you?

 

I don't mean this in a nasty way at all, but you need to gain your independence. If it's only a ten minute drive away then regular visits should be ok. But you can only decide that, and its good to hear that everything else is ok. I would still give it a few months, just because of the market. You'd definately spend £2000 on fees etc. If you are 'home sick' why not stay there on the weekends? Can family not visit you either?

[Hightower]

How old are you?

 

I don't mean this in a nasty way at all, but you need to gain your independence. If it's only a ten minute drive away then regular visits should be ok. But you can only decide that, and its good to hear that everything else is ok. I would still give it a few months, just because of the market. You'd definately spend £2000 on fees etc. If you are 'home sick' why not stay there on the weekends? Can family not visit you either?

 

I'm 25. I know people have already said on here "you need to get a life", but I am who I am and I shouldn't have to change that. I don't think it's a case of getting independence - if I move back to the village I came from I'd still have independence, but I'd also be able to spend time with the people I want to spend time with when I need to. Yes, it's a 10 minute drive away now but diesel costs money whereas if I was in the same village I could walk places to visit people as I used to.

 

I'm more disappointed with myself that I bought a house where I did - I knew this was going to hit me hard yet I still went with it. I think I've already made up my mind to be honest and I'd be fighting a losing battle if I tried to stay. I'm just gutted I'd be spending all that money when if I'd thought a little more carefully I wouldn't have needed to.

[LosOjos]

Have you established a little space of your own in the new place? Space permitting, it really helps to find a corner (or a room if you have one!) to make your own, fill it with things that interest you and make it comfortable: just somewhere to go and sit and do your own thing from time to time and relax. One of the hardest things about moving in with somebody is the feeling that nothing is yours and everything is shared: we all have a selfish side that needs fulfilling to keep us happy. You may be missing your old room at your parents house more than the area itself, 10 minutes is not very far away at all...

[dhicks]

It's just down the road - about 10 minutes in the car.

 

Can't you just run home afterwards, then? Have a look at the Ordnance Survey website - you can get proper, detailed maps showing footpaths, there's a good chance there'll be a nice, quiet route home. Night-vision goggles might be a good investment, also.

 

--

David Hicks

[mossj]

10 minutes by car is what 4 - 6 miles get a good road bike and you could be at your hometown in about 20 - 25 minutes.

 

Seems like a hassle but I used to live in a village with no public transport, only way to get out was to hop on a bike and cycle to the village/town over.

[GrumbleDook]

1 - the way to make a house a home is to fill it with memories of that house being a happy place.

2 - you may be 10 minutes away from family and friends ... but they are also 10 minutes away from you. Set aside time and space for them to be part of your life in your home.

3 - Fair play to your other half for spotting and helping with the problem. If she has no issue with moving closer to where you want to be then fair play ... but think about renting somewhere near to were you want to be and rent your house out in return ... you may need to look at swapping the mortgage about (and home insurance) but now you are on the property ladder then don't give up.

4 - look at local activities which will allow you to make more friends in your neighbourhood. As scary as it may sound, you might lose a bit of contact with your existing friends by being further away from them ... but you might find even better friends next door.

5 - Some buildings and houses just don't fit ... like a badly tailored suit or boil washed Y-Fronts ... when you are in them you just can't wait to get out. Se what you can do about making it more like where you were ... but if it is people who made you happy then you either have to encourage them to come over to see your new life or you have to move back to where you were.

 

HTH

[witch]

You do seem to be having a rough time - but what concerns me is that you havent once mentioned any attempts to try and enjoy your new area - pubs, neighbours, joining things etc? (you may have done so and just not mentioned it). Have your friends and family been invited around a lot? They need to be part of your new life, not just you part of theirs

The thing is, that life changes, and the friends back in your village will also move on, get married, have children and move away in due time and so things are never going to be quite the same anyway. You may well have a family yourself in the not too distant future?? That'll put paid to too many nights out with the boys!

 

You have always struck me as a sensible, down to earth sort of bloke, who is able to live his own life and go his own way, so it is strange to hear you say that you have always been in your dad's shadow, and that you like it there! I don't actually think that you are in quite the way that you think.

Maybe you need a longer term plan, especially to minimise any losses money-wise. Could you not plan to throw yourself into local life a bit more, really give it a go for a set time, maybe a year, and THEN start thinking about what to do and where to go? Staying on the mortgage ladder is a really good idea so renting out may be the answer.

I don't think you have really given this new place a chance at all, just looked at is as somewhere you don't want to be that isnt your old home - which of course it can never be. Your OH deserves a bit more of an effort from you (sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it to and I know you arent deliberately upsetting her). For her, moving back could have the same effect that moving did on you -and then where would you be?

You may need a short course of anti-depressants just to give you a lift so that you can start thinking more positively again. It is impossible to 'pull yourself together' if you are that low.

Chin up

[ButterflyMoon]

Wise words Witch. My middle son lives in Texas and is always hankering to come home (he has a wee lad over there and and now divorced would not come without him) but as I keep telling him people move on. You may still be in their lives but they have their own lives too. I know this from moving away myself. When I go back I see friends but though we are still friendly there are less and less things in common anymore. It is a fact of life. A 10 minute journey home is not a lifetime away. I wish I was only 10 minutes from my son as I can only see him once a year. Be happy in your life cause at the end of the day we are only here once. As Witch says try and throw yourself into this for a period of time and see how you go. I wish you well with this as I know how hard it can be but I also know how liberating it can be too.

[Hightower]

I think I have bad days and good days. Like yesterday I was so low it was unbelievable, whereas today I woke up happy and lively. It may have something to do with us having a game tonight, and if we win then we win the league.

 

But I do hope the good days come more often and the bad days fade into the back ground. I think part (or most) of the problem is the next door is a council house which holds a single mother, a 25 yr old and a 15 yr old. The mother seems okay but the lads are chavvy and can go off the rails sometimes when their mum is out. It's only happened twice but I think it's the fear of 'when will it happen again' that makes me not want to go home sometimes.

 

Thanks for all your comments though - much appreciated