Opinions wanted - layout and grammer

[SYNACK]

Hi everyone, occasionally I have some involvement in a charity organization that helps out cats and dogs that have been abandoned. This group is looking to update some of it promotional material and I have obtained a sample of where they are headed at the moment.

 

I am looking for your opinions on its layout and the overall grammar/tone/readability of the brochure. Personally I had no involvement on the design side but may be able to provide a small bit of input on it as it is not yet in print.

 

After looking through it myself I have some rather strong views on some aspects of the design and language that are used. I would like to see if my views are shared by others or whether I have missed stuff or am on the wrong track.

 

All opinions welcome and appreciated on all aspects of this attached document.

 

Thanks.

1018_DLBrochure-3.pdf

[ninjabeaver]

Having a quick read through the first paragraphs it seems very much like they are preaching from a tall tower. I don't like the word 'administer', I think this needs to be a softer word. I think the whole section there needs 'softening' a little but still getting that message across.

 

And I'm very annoyed I had not seen this earlier. My wifes just names my new little female kittern Tinkerbell (I call her Tink) and I wish I had called her Modem now. Brilliant name.

[elsiegee40]

It looks good SYNACK - I like it. Here are my comments:

 

Page 1 - First third

 

Become a member box

Needs to show how to pay and who to make cheques payable to.

 

Donate your time box

I am in interested in helping the society as:

 

Page 1 - Second third

Neuter and Spay box - 2nd para

Capitalise the whole of Neuter and Spay Assistance Fund (the last two words start in lower case)

 

Neuter and Spay box - 3rd para

Anyone wishing to, can download a pdf application form from our website or phone...

 

Page 2 - Third third

Help us to help them box

Could do with a reminder to refer to the website or call the phoneline for more information.

 

That's it!

[ahuxham]

The font on the photo's seems rasterized, where all the other text holds well, the text labelling the animals looks completely different to the rest.

[SYNACK]

Thanks for all the feedback so far and for taking the time to have a look.

[LeMarchand]

Looking at Page 1 you'd be hard pressed to tell that the Society also helped cat owners, who are obviously far more important than dog owners . Looked fine to me, otherwise.

 

Could you start a UK branch that specialises in a breed we have here called "chav"?

[SYNACK]

Looking at Page 1 you'd be hard pressed to tell that the Society also helped cat owners, who are obviously far more important than dog owners . Looked fine to me, otherwise.

 

Could you start a UK branch that specializes in a breed we have here called "chav"?

 

I have to agree with your assessment This is one of the things that I have queried about its layout/design, the other responses also conform nicely with my views on it and have highlighted some stuff that I had not identified.

 

I think that "chavs" are probably best dealt with by some form of government department or perhaps mandatory voluntary international service helping feed the third world or something

 

All views continue to be be welcome and appreciated.