Brian Bilston: HOW MUCH I DISLIKE THE DAILY MAIL

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[brian Bilston Tweeted Poem]

 

I'll be spending most of today on an aeroplane. I've been offered a complimentary Daily Mail. Here's my response.

HOW MUCH I DISLIKE THE DAILY MAIL

 

I would rather

eat Quavers that are six week’s stale,

blow dry the hair of Gareth Bale,

listen to the songs of Jimmy Nail,

than read one page of the Daily Mail.

 

If I were bored

in a waiting room in Perivale,

on a twelve hour trip on British rail

or a world circumnavigational sail,

I would not read the Daily Mail.

 

I would happily read

the complete works of Peter Mayle,

the autobiography of Dan Quayle,

selected scripts from Emmerdale,

but I couldn’t ever read the Daily Mail.

 

Far better to

stand outside in a storm of hail,

be blown out to sea in a powerful gale

then swallowed by a humpback whale

than have to read the Daily Mail.

 

Even if

I were blind

and it was the only thing

in Braille,

I still would not read

the Daily Mail.

 

[ShellfishClive]

It's....beautiful. A true masterpiece!