Popular Post teejay Posted October 16, 2013 Popular Post Posted October 16, 2013 Someone sent me a text earlier. All it said was: ‘A’ ‘G’ ‘N’ ‘B’. I think it’s bang out of order. 5
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Why do giraffes have such long necks? Because their heads are so far away from their bodies. 2
LeightonJames Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Why can't you play cards in the jungle?? Because of the cheetahs 2
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you get a group of Pikachu on a bus? You Pokemon. 3
LeightonJames Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 What wobbles as it flies? A Jellycopter 2
StevieM Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 A man walks in to a shop and asks for a packet of helicopter crisps. The shopkeeper replies, "Sorry, I've only got plain." What do you call a septic cat? Pus Two motorways are in a bar. In walks a skinny strip of pink tarmac who pushes past them, spilling their drinks. The motorways act as if nothing happened. A B-road says to them, "You're not going to let him get away with that, are you?" The motorways reply, "We're not messing with him! He's a cycle-path!" Plenty more where they came from... 3
LeightonJames Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Can we all just note something?? It is 11:33 and we have not yet had today's Draw video. Al, what is going on???
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 What happened when the red ship and blue ship collided? Both crews were marooned. 2
LeightonJames Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later 3
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle. (I can do this all day ) 3
CamelMan Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Whats E.T. short for? He's only got little legs Whats red and sits in the corner? A naughty strawberry Why are there airports in the Amazon? Coz Jungle iz massive (apologies if any have been posted before - im off to give myself a slap for such poor joke-age..) 3
teejay Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I found myself drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda yesterday. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea. 4
VeryPC_Colin_M Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later #winning
X-13 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Can we all just note something?? It is 11:33 and we have not yet had today's Draw video. Al, what is going on??? He's redrawing names until mine comes out.
LeightonJames Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you confuse an idiot? Put three shovels in front of him and tell him to take his pick 2
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you keep an idiot entertained? Give him a piece of paper with PTO written on both sides. 2
bladedanny Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later #winning How do you know? He hasn't finished the joke yet. 3
sparkeh Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you know? He hasn't finished the joke yet. ^^ Winner right there 1
VeryPC_Colin_M Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 How do you know? He hasn't finished the joke yet. #newwinning
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Can we all just note something?? It is 11:33 and we have not yet had today's Draw video. Al, what is going on??? I'll tell you what's going on. There are so many jokes being submitted I'm having trouble keeping track so have dropped behind a tad. Worry not though, I found time to perform the crucial task of filming today's winner draw. I even had to interrupt a meeting to do it, but we got a special guest out of it: http://youtu.be/hylO3BmqkkY Congratulations to today's winner. Please would you be so kind as to select one of the remaining numbers as featured in the video above and i will reveal your prize later. Remember entries are still open, so if you get in now you'll be in the draw from tomorrow onwards until your name is drawn (but will be put back before the star prize PS4 draw). To enter just PM me your professional contact details if you are a UK based IT manager/tech type, OR if you've entered a VeryPC competition on EduGeek before, you can just speak up in the thread that you want back in and we'll add you. See you later! Al 3
StevieM Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) OK here goes. Joe Faze is the owner of a seafood restaurant. In the restaurant is a large fish tank from which diners can choose what they would like served up on their plate. In the large fish tank is an old squid, light green in colour with a little moustache. The squid has been in the tank for years and all the staff have become quite attached to him - they even named him Colin. One day, a man enters the restaurant and, much to Joe's horror, chooses Colin as his main course. Joe tries his best to dissuade the man, but he insists on the old squid. Trembling, Joe puts the net into the tank and captures Colin. With tears in his eyes, he carries the squid through to the kitchen. With his knife poised to prepare the squid for the dinner table, suddenly Joe breaks down. "I just can't do it. Not to Colin." Sobbing his heart out, he calls over Hans, his chief washer-upper. "You'll have to do it," Joe tells Hans. "What? Kill Colin?" asks Hans, "I... I... I..." Hans, too, bursts into floods of tears and the two men return Colin to the fish tank. This only goes to show that (are you ready for it?) "Hans that do dishes can be soft as Joe Faze with mild green hairy-lipped squid." Edited October 16, 2013 by StevieM 4
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 gifff sweetiess..... I man walks into a doctors surgery and says to the doctor "I think I'm a Jelly Bean" The Doctor shouts "get out of my surgery and stop wasting my f***ing time you idiot" The man goes home to his wife and she asks how the appointment went. "he looks at her and says "the doctor bit my head off" Knock knock! Who’s there? Imogen. Imogen who? Imogen life without chocolate Bonus locked! Al
featured_spectre Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Hold up...why does Gonk get a round of applause?
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 It might be cold and rainy, but I’ve decided to put up a marquee in my garden with some funky music and flashing lights in it. Now is the winter of my disco tent. Bonus locked!
VeryPC Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Wait what have I have missed?? heres a joke..... Q: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A: A zebra with a drumkit. Bonus locked! 1
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