Free sugar mice for your opinions

featured_spectre · July 5, 2013

Al, for point 1, I think the drop shadow may not make much of a difference. Being dyslexic it is difficult enough to decypher many words, I think a clear outline would make it easier to read (but hey, thats just me!)

As for point 2, noted, didn't think about that

As for point 3, if not telephone numbers, then addresses may be helpful. There are many schools that have the same names, so difficult to know which ones.

As for point 4, I don't think it would be cluttered if you added one or 2 lines for a testimonial, give it a shot, if it is rubbish, dont run with it

glennda · July 5, 2013

I don't like the trees reflections in the monitors!!

Also not sure if others have mentioned but you can't really see workstations/servers over the clouds in the backgrounds on the main page.

And for me the Made in Sheffield I don't like but thats becuase of that horrible plus net advert about being good honest broadband from yorkshire!!

FishCustard · July 5, 2013

I'm just writing down my thoughts as I read through, please do ask if anything doesn't make sense. Also, apologies if I'm being overly picky but what with being a (kind-of) writer/proofreader the pedantry flows naturally!

P2 - Mission statement

This could just be my overactive pedantry gland, but the narrative mode doesn't seem to match up: "We aim to provide our customers (3rd person) with the best value and service you (2nd person) have ever experienced from any supplier".

P3 - header quote

The header quote "We want your experience..." is almost identical to the mission statement used on the previous page. Do they need to be so close together?

P3 - sustainability section

"Our Broadleaf range of desktop PCs exemplify these principles" -> "Our Broadleaf range of desktop PCs exemplifies these principles" or "Our Broadleaf desktop PCs exemplify these principles"

(I'd pick option 2)

P4 - Mobile computing

"With similar customisation freedom as our desktops" ->"With similar customisation freedom to our desktops"

P5 - Projectors

That projector in the image... is it supposed to be so close to the wall? I've seen ultra-short-throw units, but that one appears to be about 4" from the wall... is it going to work? (I could be talking rubbish and it'll work perfectly, in which case, I will whack myself with a cluebat).

There are also various places where the line breaks don't appear to be necessary. As text doesn't seem to be justified as a rule you could push the word onto the next line and avoid the anno-

ying line break.

(e.g. P6, 'Standard Warranty', para. 1)

From a content point of view, more info on what you actually offer in your various ranges would be nice - I'm a geek, I want to see the shiny hardware and dream up the kind of spec I can buy when the school wins the magic lottery and I have an unlimited budget!

On a slightly unrelated note, your option to have the PCs delivered pre-loaded with your OS image is very cool - while imaging a suite shouldn't take long with a sensible set up, no time spent is still better than some time spent!

>net stop pedantryclient

System error 1337 has occurred.

Critical services may not be stopped.

VeryPC · July 8, 2013

I don't like the trees reflections in the monitors!!

Also not sure if others have mentioned but you can't really see workstations/servers over the clouds in the backgrounds on the main page.

And for me the Made in Sheffield I don't like but thats becuase of that horrible plus net advert about being good honest broadband from yorkshire!!

Thank you glennda,

Others did mention the legibility issue with the text on the front page - we'll have to do something about that.

We'll be reviewing all the comments and making appropriate changes when we've decided what is necessary.

Al

P.S. Don't forget to claim your free sugar mouse:

http://staticc3.cdngeek.net/images/misc/quote_icon.png Originally Posted by VeryPC http://staticc3.cdngeek.net/images/buttons/viewpost-right.png
How to claim: When you have posted a comment about our company profile document in this thread, PM me a link to your comment and include your delivery address for us to send your free sugar mouse to.

VeryPC · July 8, 2013

I'm just writing down my thoughts as I read through, please do ask if anything doesn't make sense. Also, apologies if I'm being overly picky but what with being a (kind-of) writer/proofreader the pedantry flows naturally!

P2 - Mission statement
This could just be my overactive pedantry gland, but the narrative mode doesn't seem to match up: "We aim to provide our customers (3rd person) with the best value and service you (2nd person) have ever experienced from any supplier".

P3 - header quote
The header quote "We want your experience..." is almost identical to the mission statement used on the previous page. Do they need to be so close together?

P3 - sustainability section
"Our Broadleaf range of desktop PCs exemplify these principles" -> "Our Broadleaf range of desktop PCs exemplifies these principles" or "Our Broadleaf desktop PCs exemplify these principles"
(I'd pick option 2)

P4 - Mobile computing
"With similar customisation freedom as our desktops" ->"With similar customisation freedom to our desktops"

P5 - Projectors
That projector in the image... is it supposed to be so close to the wall? I've seen ultra-short-throw units, but that one appears to be about 4" from the wall... is it going to work? (I could be talking rubbish and it'll work perfectly, in which case, I will whack myself with a cluebat).

There are also various places where the line breaks don't appear to be necessary. As text doesn't seem to be justified as a rule you could push the word onto the next line and avoid the anno-
ying line break.
(e.g. P6, 'Standard Warranty', para. 1)

From a content point of view, more info on what you actually offer in your various ranges would be nice - I'm a geek, I want to see the shiny hardware and dream up the kind of spec I can buy when the school wins the magic lottery and I have an unlimited budget!

On a slightly unrelated note, your option to have the PCs delivered pre-loaded with your OS image is very cool - while imaging a suite shouldn't take long with a sensible set up, no time spent is still better than some time spent!

>net stop pedantryclient

System error 1337 has occurred.

Critical services may not be stopped.

Thanks Custard,

A thorough proofing there - appreciated. These are the kind of requests that pedantry was invented for.

We'll be reviewing all the feedback and making edits where we deem necessary once all the comments are in.

Regarding the UST projector, that's a manufacturer's product image we used which shows it with the arm extended to only a small range (we hadn't realised it might be misleading). Distance from the wall depends on how big your screen is of course, but that particular model needs 47cm to throw an 80" screen (I've attached the spec sheet if you are interested).

EB475WI.pdf

Cheers,

Al

X-13 · July 8, 2013

Apart from the guy in the tie and shirt on the cover who seems to be thrusting his pelvic region?

I didn't notice that. But, now I have... All I can think of is Douglas Reynholm from IT Crowd.

It seems fine to me, the only thing I'd say is that "the best you've ever had" reminds me a lot of Gillette ["The best a man can get"]

Plus, the massive space between "Sheffield" and the post code is strange.

VeryPC · July 8, 2013

I didn't notice that. But, now I have... All I can think of is Douglas Reynholm from IT Crowd.

It seems fine to me, the only thing I'd say is that "the best you've ever had" reminds me a lot of Gillette ["The best a man can get"]

Plus, the massive space between "Sheffield" and the post code is strange.

Matt Berry is Awesome.

Cheers, X, appreciate the feedback.

"The best a desk can geee-eet!" Yeah, I can hear that a bit too.

You're not the first to point out the postcode space, it's becoming a real talking point - maybe I should make it even bigger and blow your minds!

Thanks a lot,

Al

X-13 · July 8, 2013

You're not the first to point out the postcode space, it's becoming a real talking point - maybe I should make it even bigger and blow your minds!

Do it. Disregard professionalism, aquire business. [i are no how two bizniz.]

Modey · July 8, 2013

Thought the document looked pretty good, but as others have said some more info on the products would have been nice.

If you'd like some general feedback, I think you guys try a bit too hard at being 'zany' or a bit crazy etc... Some of the vids you have posted here like the prize draw ... I like some of the products you have to offer and am currently considering whether or not to buy a suite of PC's from you. The 'were a bit crazy' routine that comes across here puts me off though. Some may like it and find it endearing, to me it makes me quite wary ...

X-13 · July 8, 2013

I like some of the products you have to offer and am currently considering whether or not to buy a suite of PC's from you. The 'were a bit crazy' routine that comes across here puts me off though. Some may like it and find it endearing, to me it makes me quite wary ...

Order the computers. [Fast delivery, good warranty, good build quality]

I don't think the "we're a bit crazy" is a routine... I think they're slightly mad.

VeryPC · July 8, 2013

Thought the document looked pretty good, but as others have said some more info on the products would have been nice.

If you'd like some general feedback, I think you guys try a bit too hard at being 'zany' or a bit crazy etc... Some of the vids you have posted here like the prize draw ... I like some of the products you have to offer and am currently considering whether or not to buy a suite of PC's from you. The 'were a bit crazy' routine that comes across here puts me off though. Some may like it and find it endearing, to me it makes me quite wary ...

Thanks for the feedback Modey.

A lot of people are saying more info on products (particularly the VeryPC made ranges) - just to clarify, this document is intended as an introduction to the company, so we didn't want it to be purely product focussed. However, as so many of you have raised the issue, we may rejig the focus a bit to bring our desktop PC and server products and integration services further to the fore. Also, there will be more specialist documents focussing on and covering in more detail the particular ranges and services in the future too.

Re: ZANY - We're honestly not "trying" to act daft just to present an image. We just wanted to show the fun side of the people who work here as we've found that being ourselves is the best way to build long lasting relationships with our customers. It's a great way for us to get a bit of attention in a very competitive marketplace going up against some huge global brands as competitors.

On a professional note, the official daftness is restricted to only certain marketing activities such as these - we have too many important customers relying on our products and services every day to let a slapdash attitude creep into our way of working. We run a tight ship here, and value our customers too much to apply anything but 100% professionalism to the work we do for them. I urge you to give our salesteam a call on 0845 0345 017 or 0114 321 8609 or email [email protected] to talk about your requirements and let us demonstrate first hand what we can do for you with no pressure or obligation on yourself.

Like @X-13 says below, it's not a routine, but the products and services we provide are the main priority.

Order the computers. [Fast delivery, good warranty, good build quality]

I don't think the "we're a bit crazy" is a routine... I think they're slightly mad.

Thanks a lot, and don't forget to claim your sugar mouse:

How to claim: When you have posted a comment about our company profile document in this thread, PM me a link to your comment and include your delivery address for us to send your free sugar mouse to.

Al

X-13 · July 8, 2013

salesteam

You know you play too many games when you read that as "Sale Steam" rather than "sales team".

exim · July 8, 2013

Looks very suitable overall. Not too corporate with a personal touch - handwriting style font and Polaroid photos.

Good focus of company values. Not too crammed, well organised and spaced.

Many accreditation stamps and manufacturer's logos throughout, but perhaps missing the extent to what the relationship is. You don't want to mislead.

VeryPC · July 8, 2013

Looks very suitable overall. Not too corporate with a personal touch - handwriting style font and Polaroid photos.
Good focus of company values. Not too crammed, well organised and spaced.
Many accreditation stamps and manufacturer's logos throughout, but perhaps missing the extent to what the relationship is. You don't want to mislead.

Many thanks exim

All the comments will be taken into account when we consider our revisions to the document.

Cheers,

Al

Love_Sausage · July 8, 2013

Looks clean and professional and I'd certainly read it. It does seem a little light on actual products - comes across as quite wordy at times. More case studies perhaps? Also, the headlines on page 3 really distracted my eye, I think there are two things going on there - the spacing between the headline and the body of text seems tight and the headlines span the columns instead of neatly wrapping to the first column and just bumping up the body of text to align on the right side. Maybe that's just me

Steve21 · July 8, 2013

A lot of people are saying more info on products (particularly the VeryPC made ranges) - just to clarify, this document is intended as an introduction to the company, so we didn't want it to be purely product focussed. However, as so many of you have raised the issue, we may rejig the focus a bit to bring our desktop PC and server products and integration services further to the fore. Also, there will be more specialist documents focussing on and covering in more detail the particular ranges and services in the future too.

From my point of view I look at this differently. If someone who knows nothing about your company at all looks at the brochure what is it that will make them want to know more about yourselves, rather than any other reseller etc. The amount of brochures we're bombarded with, it's really only the weird, wacky, and different things that stand out Things like the unique computers, engraving, energy stuff blahblah. Certainly not saying just focus on these, but just a few more pages would be nice personally.

Just my two cents!

Steve

hallb15 · July 9, 2013

Hey that's me !

Yes it is a little thrusting and a bit disco.....

To late now . Doh !

I laughed out loud when I read this!

Domino · July 9, 2013

Personally I think there's a bit of a design mismatch between the cover and the internals - the internal pages look very sharp and clean, the cover is a bit less tidy.

and the font for "We're successful..", oh god the font...

X-13 · July 9, 2013

and the font for "We're successful..", oh god the font...

[ATTACH=CONFIG]19324[/ATTACH]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]19327[/ATTACH]

kearton · July 9, 2013

Page 1 (top): Light font on light background = hard to read.

Page 1 (middle): Andrew is doing some strange pose. It's not a good look.

Page 1 (bottom): "We're successful..." font = very similar to Comic Sans. nuff said.

Page 2: Andrew's photo is on a light background, and also his head isn't centered in the frame = looks bad

Page 2: Using toooooo many different fonts on 1 page

Page 2: Massive gap before postcode

Page 4: 2 Windows logos are blurry. Use sharper images?

JJanisch · July 9, 2013

I feel I'm a little late to the chase here, I've read pretty much all of my opinions posted by other users!

This might just be me but one thing I would like to see more of is the roots of your business - you mention "The founders are 2 brothers and their

old university friend. From these close knit beginnings ...", I think more information regarding your growth from providing a local ICT service to a national PC manufacturer would be inspiring and help to portray a friendly image, separating yourselves the big money grabbers out there. While you have mentioned your "customer centric approach" throughout your brochure, a picture or two of your premises and friendly staff (hard at work of course) would help to visualise this. Also, the bloke in blue shouldn't thrust!! STOP IT!

On page 5, the "and the rest" text should not fade out.

In general the design is really nice.

Edited July 9, 2013 by JJanisch

VeryPC · July 10, 2013

Looks clean and professional and I'd certainly read it. It does seem a little light on actual products - comes across as quite wordy at times. More case studies perhaps? Also, the headlines on page 3 really distracted my eye, I think there are two things going on there - the spacing between the headline and the body of text seems tight and the headlines span the columns instead of neatly wrapping to the first column and just bumping up the body of text to align on the right side. Maybe that's just me

Thanks a lot for the comments and suggestions.

We'll be going over all your thoughts and considering what edits we want to make when all the votes are in.

Cheers,

Al

VeryPC · July 10, 2013

From my point of view I look at this differently. If someone who knows nothing about your company at all looks at the brochure what is it that will make them want to know more about yourselves, rather than any other reseller etc. The amount of brochures we're bombarded with, it's really only the weird, wacky, and different things that stand out Things like the unique computers, engraving, energy stuff blahblah. Certainly not saying just focus on these, but just a few more pages would be nice personally.

Just my two cents!

Steve

Thanks again Steve - very useful. I'll add these additional comments to our list of suggestions for when we consider the edits we want to make.

Al

VeryPC · July 10, 2013

Personally I think there's a bit of a design mismatch between the cover and the internals - the internal pages look very sharp and clean, the cover is a bit less tidy.

and the font for "We're successful..", oh god the font...

Thanks for the feedback.

Free sugar mice for your opinions

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