cl0n3

Heh, maybe that should be painted on the side of schools crofty style: South Crofty Tin Mine was the last working tin mine in Cornwall.

Ah sorry to hear you are having a bad day Hope Tuesday will be better!

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken. 'What's the moral of that story?' asked the teacher. 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!' 'Very good,' said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.' 'That was a fine story Sarah.' Michael, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.' 'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?' 'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'

Just pop the food in microwave and get it nuked until it no longer looks alive, easy!

Fool, he didn't think to microwave them

Who knows what Joanne makes her salads from Joanne, If it makes you feel sick thinking about Pete eating it, think how he will feel and also may make him cook more often

It'll be alright living on top of a salad, be like living on an island of food

Teach him a lesson, put a spider you catch as the topping of a meal you prepare

Hahaha have you seen the website Pimp That Snack (an RM engineer gave us the link to that website when he was sorting out our RAID, site address is best thing we got from RM in my opinion) Giant versions of sweets and chocolate bars etc

Would a chocolate fireman score on two points or would it lose a point for being useless?

It's not difficult to Make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8.. an electrician 9.. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes And Now.................... HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food 3. And lots of beer.

That man has balls of steel!

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading' 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'For reading a book,' she replies, 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again, 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading' 'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again. WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan). WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house. WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep? WIFE: Would you let her drive my car? HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new. WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers? HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs? HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed. WIFE: - silence - - HUSBAND: F * ck ..

Awesome

Any of you guys checking out the 'run to the sun' event in Newquay this weekend? I see it as a warm up to other upcoming summery events

It's looking really good!

Shhh keep the noise down, I'm trying to sleep

haha

Where can I get a matchbox full of them??? What a great way to get rid of old kit

-Opening Credits: Abide With Me (Soundtrack intro to the western film 'Shane') -Waking Up: Wake Up Boo! (Boo Radleys) -Falling In Love: Crazy (Aerosmith) -Fight Scene: Bodies hit the floor (Drowning pool) -Breaking Up: Bitter Sweet Symphony (Verve) -Make Up: Aint nothing but mammals (Bloodhound Gang) -Secret Love: Steal my sunshine (Len) -Life's OK: I'm OK (MCR) -Mental Breakdown: New desease (Spine shank) -Riding (Rider not a driver) Scene: Riders in the Sky (A Cowboy Legend) -Flashback: Elinor Rigby (Beatles or Godhead) -Happy Dance: Touch my bum (Cheeky Girls) -Regretting: Nobodies (Manson) -Long Night Alone: Something down in that trap door! (Trap door) -Final Battle: Clavicula Nox (Therion) -Death Scene: Heaven is a half pipe (OPM) -Final Ending: Amazing (Aerosmith) -End Credits: Sail away (Rasmus) Ohhh now that has racked my brains!

Surely something in the data protection act must have something protecting something like a SIMs server? Have a read though it and wave it under SMT noses (at least this clears you if anything should happen as you did warn people)

Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'. About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you? 'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter. So he sat down and wrote DEAR MOTHER, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER. LOVE PETER Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read DEAR SON, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE F**KING FRYING PAN BY NOW. LOVE MUM

Aerosmith - Fly Away

Ohhhhh the motorbike ones make me cringe!