[FUNNY] Ring any Bells?!

[tech_guy]

Excellent Beeb story about 'crapspeak':

 

BBC NEWS | Magazine | 50 office-speak phrases you love to hate

 

My favourite comments:

 

9. "Until recently I had to suffer working for a manager who used phrases such as the idiotic I've got you in my radar in her speech, letters and e-mails. Once, when I mentioned problems with the phone system, she screamed 'NO! You don't have problems, you have challenges'. At which point I almost lost the will to live."

Stephen Gradwick, Liverpool

 

33. "I once had a boss who said, 'You can't have your cake and eat it, so you have to step up to the plate and face the music.' It was in that moment I knew I had to resign before somebody got badly hurt by a pencil."

Tim, Durban

 

39. "In my work environment it's all cascading at the moment. What they really mean is to communicate or disseminate information, usually downwards. What they don't seem to appreciate is that it sounds like we're being wee'd on. Which we usually are."

LMD, London

 

ROFL

Edited June 17, 2008 by tech_guy

[mark80]

I like those

[jcollings]

Think one of the best shows I ever saw for things like that was a fly on the wall documentry called "The Armstrongs" which followed a couple who ran U Fit - Coventrys 3rd largest double glazing firm (how many are there in coventry ffs!)

 

The guy was great at just talking rubbish and trying to make it sound profound.

 

It's repeated on the UK something channel on Sky and well worth a watch - they are priceless.

[GrumbleDook]

This is MY pet hate.

31. "The expression that drives me nuts is 110%, usually said to express passion/commitment/support by people who are not very good at maths. This has created something of a cliche-inflation, where people are now saying 120%, 200%, or if you are really REALLY committed, 500%. I remember once the then-chancellor Gordon Brown saying he was 101% behind Tony Blair, to which people reacted 'What? Only 101?'"

Ricardo Molina, London, UK

 

I had an instructor in the forces who would scream about giving 110% ... and when asked I would always say I was giving 100% ... after several weeks and the nth press up he finally asked why I only gave 100%. I pointed out that the achievements that 100% gave were steadily increasing but you can only give 100% effort. I promised that I would give 90% in future unless he wanted something special. Then I would get 100%.

 

Earnt me one of my hardest beastings ever but it was worth it.

 

Now, when I watch the Apprentice and the likes, as soon as someone asks for 110% they have lost as far as I am concerned.

[Roberto]

We could Build Learning Power by having a Round-table Group-led Discussion about this sort of thing, in the hope of building a Successful Learning Outcome.

[PICNIC]

This is MY pet hate.

 

 

I had an instructor in the forces who would scream about giving 110% ...

 

As bad as this are those that insist that everyone can do better than average!

[sparkeh]

24. "Need to get all my ducks in a row

My old job was at a management consultancy so this stuff was bandied around with gay abandon, however once my boss sent an IM to a group of us calling a pre-meeting meeting because he wanted to "get all our dicks in a row". We were slightly nervous as we entered his office.

[Ketlane]

There is a freight company, I think it's Downton, whose trucks carry the slogan "Real Distribution Solutions." Putting aside the buzz-speak solutions bit, presumably the alternative is virtual distribution, where you only imagine your parcel has been delivered?

[Jawloms]

I wish people would stop touching base with me. I'm a happily married man you know.

[CAM]

Pedagagoy, no is that right? Wait, pedagagoggy. Or is it pedagagogy? Padega...screw it. That annoying buzzword for teaching that sounds like it is related to bicycles instead of classrooms.

[AMLinington]

Pedagagoy, no is that right? Wait, pedagagoggy. Or is it pedagagogy? Padega...screw it. That annoying buzzword for teaching that sounds like it is related to bicycles instead of classrooms.

 

Pedagogy. It sounds like one of those squicky 'personal care' professions that you look at and think 'Ewww' - like podiatrists (ack, feet. Yuk). It's a disgusting word that sounds as though 'pedagogists' do a really really unpleasant task. Perhaps it has been recycled from the old school Enema-operators?

 

32. "My least favourite business-speak term is not enough bandwidth. When an employee used this term to refuse an additional assignment, I realised I was completely 'out of the loop'."

April, Berkeley, US

 

Is it really bad that I quite like this one! It's another way of saying 'I've got too much in my workload' but without saying so directly.

Edited July 30, 2012 by AMLinington