Just a thought - Where does Moron come from?

[FN-GM]

DO YOU EVER WONDER WHY?????

 

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

 

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

 

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

 

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

 

What is the speed of darkness?

 

Are there especially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

 

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

 

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

 

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

 

Do you cry under water?

 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

 

DID YOU EVER STOP AND WONDER..............

 

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

 

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

 

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

 

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

 

Stop singing and read on . . . . .. . . .

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

[CESIL]

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

 

Why do fools fall in love?

 

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?

 

Why when the first copy fails to appear do pupils keep clicking print in case that works, meaning that when muggins here puts paper or ink, in multiple pages start spewing forth wasting the new ink/paper...!!!

[Guest Guest]

Why do teachers think that just because theres light coming from the projector, that the whiteboard must be switched on?

[laserblazer]

Why do teachers think

 

You have them that think?

[witch]

Why?

[tech_guy]

Why do teachers think

 

You have them that think?

 

8O

[TechMonkey]

Why?

Because

[6Foot2]

This post reminded me of a joke from years ago [sorry if I am spoiling the mood here] Anyway here it is:

 

What is the difference between a duck?

 

And the answer: One of its legs is both the same.

 

Variations I found today:

 

One of its legs is both the same, and it bangs its head together when it walks.

 

Oranges. Because motorcycles don't have doors.

 

The higher it flies, the much.

 

False, because there are no bones in ice cream.

 

One of its legs is not the same, and (holding out your hands as if demonstrating it's size) it's about this colour.

[GrumbleDook]

What's green and bounces all over Australia?

 

Skippy the cooking apple.

[Guest aliv25]

What do you call a french sandal?

 

Philippe Flop

[GrumbleDook]

A fella I know is regular purveyor of punes ...

 

Here are just a selection.

 

I stopped off at Makro earlier for some veggies. Whilst there I *almost* decided to buy some roe meat and muntjac meat. However, it quickly became apparent that I could not afford to. They were two deer.

 

Everyone knows about Tommy Lee, his role in Motley Crue, and his marriage to Pamela Anderson's bosom, but his fame rather over-shadowed his equally talented brother, Frank.

Frank is a graphics designer, specialising in computer generated images, and their use in advertising.

A few weeks ago he was approached by the Vatican, in the guise of a rather attractive young lady. Apparently the Catholic Church had decided to go Hi Tech, and produce a website to explore, in word, song, verse and image, the whole of the christian church, from creation to the present day. As a world leader in this sort of work, Frank's name had been suggested, and the young lady had sought him out.

Unfortunately things did not get off to a good start, as the door to the house was opened, not by Frank but by his brother, who fell for the young lady immediately, and failed to introduce himself. Tommy's advances were loudly rebuffed, and the representative of the church tried to explain that she wanted some GIF images of the whole of creation doing, and was really not interested in *Frank's* advances.

Hearing all this, Frank hurried down the stairs. Whilst he certainly wanted to help the young lady he was not hugely enamoured of the church, and decided, whilst decending the stairs, that he would turn the offer down.

He sent his brother away with a flea in his ear, and turned to the young lady to introduce himself.

Holding out his hand he said

"Frank Lee, my dear. I don't GIF Adam"

[GrumbleDook]

Or this one ...

 

I've seen a lot of strange beliefs, splinter-groups, small groups, large groups...but today I met some preachers from what must be one of the most bizarre small cults I have ever heard of!

Apparently, to gain enlightenment, safe passage into heaven, purity of soul, and probably 50% off at B&Q, what you have to do is read as many daily and weekly news papers, and magazines, as you possibly can. if you spot a reference to God, or one of his own, then you have to cut it out, and glue it into a scrap book.

Every week you present your scrap book at the altar of the One God, and eventually I suppose you gain all the above.

I'm not sure, however, that I want to be a stick in sect....

[kearton]

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, does the other one have to aswell?

[witch]

Two very famous chefs were competing in a prestigious cooking competition - they both had to produce a lovely main course featuring a fish dish.

They worked really hard, and in the end one had done a lovely dish containing plaice, scallops and turbot, all presented beautifully on a bed of exotic lettuces and other salads. The othe had used a larger fish, and had concentrating on making it look delicious using a wonderful sauce.

The second chef won the contest, and as he was presented with his prize, the first chef was heard to sigh:

"There but for the glaze of cod, go I"

[Domino]

why, everytime the council put a bench in the park does an old person have to die?

 

Why do people say "its always in the last place you look"...who looks once they've found something!

 

Q: How many microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: none, they just declare darkness a new standard.....

[enjay]

I was driving home from work last week when my boss called me and said "you've been promoted". I was so surprised that I swerved and hit a tree. Apparently, it's called careering off the road.

 

Sorry, I'll get my coat....

[CESIL]

A helicopter is lost in fog flying over Seattle. The pilot hovers close to an office block and holds up a sign reading "Where are we?".

Someone in the building holds up a sign reading "In a helicopter".

The pilot realises he is in front of the Microsoft support offices. Why?

 

Because the answer he got, whilst technically correct, was no bl**dy use to anybody!

[tech_guy]

I was driving home from work last week when my boss called me and said "you've been promoted". I was so surprised that I swerved and hit a tree. Apparently, it's called careering off the road.

 

Sorry, I'll get my coat....

 

LOL that's quite a funny joke.

[Lee_K_81]

Slight variation on this one

 

A helicopter is lost in fog flying over Seattle. The pilot hovers close to an office block and holds up a sign reading "Where are we?".

Someone in the building holds up a sign reading "In a helicopter".

The pilot realises he is in front of the Microsoft support offices. Why?

 

Because the answer he got, whilst technically correct, was no bl**dy use to anybody!

 

A man in a hot air balloon looses his bearings, reduces his altitude and shouts down to somebody, "where am i?" to which the man replies "in a hot air balloon, 100ft above the ground. The balloonist responds, "You must work in IT". The man on the ground says, "yes i do, how did you know?"; "the answer you gave, whilst technically correct, was no bl**dy use to anybody!"

 

The man on the ground looks up and says, "you must work in management" to which the balloonist says "yes, how did you know?". Man on the ground says "You have no idea where you are, how you got there, or how to move on, yet you expect somebody else to help you."

[webman]

Lee_K_81: I was just logging into my Yahoo email account to find that very joke and post it!

[Guest aliv25]

Why do members of staff bring in there home pc's to the school network manager with the problem 'it doesnt turn on' when the power plug is in, the power switch at the back was just switched to off? THINK AROUND THE BOX?! Maybe hustle a score out of him ha :-0

[Pottsey]

“Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?”

To create a better connection on the circuit so what little energy is left makes the button work. Pressing harder on many remotes does work. Well it works then the battery almost flat but not 100% flat.