[joke] HORROR MOVIE SURVIVAL GUIDE

[laserblazer]

* When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see

if it’s really dead.

 

* If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once

a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who

went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had

inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move away

immediately.

 

* Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

 

* Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

 

* If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which

they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is

other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of

grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to

kill them, so be prepared.

 

* When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it

alone.

 

* As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

 

* Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave,

tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

 

* If you’re searching for something which caused a noise and find out

that it’s just the cat, *leave the room immediately if you value your

life.*

 

* If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

 

* Do not take *anything* from the dead.

 

* If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a reason.

Take the hint and stay away.

 

* Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know

what you are doing.

 

* If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at

least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that,

despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely

shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

 

* If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior

such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing

hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

 

* Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are

listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you

if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in

Maine.

 

* If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby

deserted-looking house to phone for help.

 

* Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns,

hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane

torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased

companions.

 

* Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience,

since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to

be.

[mac_shinobi]

paranormal activity:D