No Sympathy.

[Sdrawkcab]

I still stand by the statement that she could have done something before getting to that weight. If she couldn't then someone should have, be that her parents, relative or friends.

 

How do you know? Do you know the girl yourself? Have you been through an experience like this? No? Then you cannot understand the situation. Why is it that people find admitting ignorance so hard?

 

I myself was heavily overweight (nowhere near 43 stone though) from the ages of about 14/15 to probably November last year (I am 27). I was pretty extensively bullied at school because of this, and this gave me pretty bad self-esteem/confidence issues which I am still recovering from. I felt so massively unattractive and unwanted for so long that I didn't see the point in making an effort to change things. If everybody thought I was a massive fat waste of space, why shouldn't I be one? I am aware of how illogical this is now, but unhappy people rarely make great decisions. It got to the point where I dropped out of school after AS levels as I just couldn't take being there any more and then spent the following year being a literal shut-in. The bullying doesn't stop when you leave school though, people would yell things at me in the street and I had to leave a (admittedly crappy) part-time job because my boss constantly referred to me as "fat lad" (I told his superiors and they just told me to deal with it). You feel constantly scrutinized by everyone because it is acceptable to mock people for their weight in public. Nobody will ever defend you, and if you try to talk to people about it in order to get help you're pretty universally ridiculed. Case in point: When I was at school someone once held me down and rubbed a rotten fish they had found on the school field over my face "because I loved eating". I should also explain that my nickname at the time was "plum" for obvious reasons. I went to the my form tutor/head of year, primarily about the fish but I also mentioned the name calling and they said "Why do you think they call you that?". How are you supposed to answer that? All I, aged 16, could think to do was say "I don't know". They replied "Well then why does it bother you?" and that was the end of that discussion. The boy who had rubbed the fish on my face got a lunchtime detention and then carried on as he had been before. Nobody did anything or said anything. This was not an isolated incident where people could have done/said something, but didn't because obesity isn't really recognized as being a legitimate problem.

 

By treating people like obesity is something they can "stiff upper lip" their way out of, you are propogating this problem. Use your empathy, try to understand how they came to be in that position and if you can't say anything helpful, don't say anything at all.

 

(For the record I should say that I don't feel like this any more. I won't get into it too much, but I have overcome a lot of my issues and since November I've lost 3 stone. I'm not at a "normal" weight yet but I'm getting there. None of this would have happened if I didn't get the support I needed from my friends.)

[witch]

@Sdrawkcab

Sorry to hear about your situation but you have said exactly what others have said - you have overcome a lot of your issues yourself and you are getting there with support from friends

Presumably, like @nephilim, you got to the point where you decided that you needed to sort it out and get the help. That's the point - I'm not sure this girl has got there yet - it seems to be almost like a switch inside your head that means that you don't want to be like this anymore. As you said, unhappy people don't make great decisions but there is only so much outside agencies can do to help. She seems fairly complacent about the whole thing - almost as if this is somebody elses's problem and if she waits long enough, someone will sort her out.

I would certainly not make light of any of this but I do believe that until that day when the person realises, for themselves, that something must be done, any changes will probably not stick and very soon they will be back where they were.

I would urge you to reread some of these posts - yes, there are one or two that are not helpful but many of us can see how someone in this situation needs lots of help to get out of it.

PS - If you were my son then that school would have had me in their faces ALL the time. NO bullying is OK.

[creese]

OK, I will but in here.

 

This time 18 months ago, I was 35st. When I attended bett 3 years ago (on the geek stand), I was 20st. In 18 months, I put on almost a stone a month, and this was nobody elses fault but mine. It came to a head when I sat in my favourite chair in the living room, and it broke (as embarrassing as it is). I decided to turn my life around, I was addicted (and I use the word very carefully) to junk food. When I ate healthy food, it made me sick. I saw a psychologist, a physiotherapist and a dietician, and between them, they worked out exactly what the addiction was. It was an addiction to the various sugars (dextrose, sucrose and maltose). Having cut these out for the vast majority, along with 95% wheat based products, I have gone down from a 68in waist and 35st beast, to a 46/48in waist, and 24st. I still have another 5-6 st to lose, however it is a slow process.

 

She has an addiction, pure and simple.

 

Well done to you. I was not as large as you, but at over 17st I suddenly realise things had to change. I got there from illness, including a spell on steroids.

 

Fast food chains wouldn't be as prevalent as they are if they weren't addictive in some way. even if it just down to the 5 year old who wants the latest free toy.

 

I gave up wheat to lose 4 of the 5 stone I lost. I will start on phase 3 to lose about another stone soon. There is a claim, I believe, that wheat is addictive. It's in a lot of things you might not believe, from sweets to grated cheese. I do a lot of wheat free baking now and have a nice little sideline doing it.

 

I posted earlier but here it is again. Wheat Belly Blog | Lose the Wheat Lose the Weight

 

It's easy to pick on people, as this thread proves. Not so easy to sympathise or empathise.

[Miscbrah]

People are fat for medical reasons, mental reasons, laziness, or a mix of them all.

 

I would just like to add that I'm fat (ish) atm for personal reasons. I'm on a bulking cycle and am consuming 4-5000 cals a day and have lost my abs. I promise I'm not fat for laziness reasons! Spending the hours I do down the gym and the dojo I at least HOPE I'm not.

 

Also, given muscle mass, even when leaner than most I'm still very much in the 'overweight' BMI category. And I would NOT say I'm especially muscular even.

 

And while I'm at it, quitting smoking seems to be different for everyone who does it successfully. But EVERYONE who does it will tell you it's a right sod.

[Sdrawkcab]

I would urge you to reread some of these posts - yes, there are one or two that are not helpful but many of us can see how someone in this situation needs lots of help to get out of it.

 

Yeah I know, rereading my post now I can see that I was flying off the handle a little bit there. My apologies if I came across a bit too aggressive, it's obviously an issue that is pretty close to the bone for me and so I can get a bit carried away when discussing it. It just frustrates me when people actively continue with ignorant statements like "he should just lose some weight" instead of just saying "I don't understand this because I have no experience to relate it to" and then moving on.

 

PS - If you were my son then that school would have had me in their faces ALL the time. NO bullying is OK.

 

Yeah the one thing I regret most about this was not talking to my parents about it. I don't think I've ever seen either of them so angry as when I finally did tell them. I had left the school by then though so there was nothing that could really be done about it.

[Koldov]

And while I'm at it, quitting smoking seems to be different for everyone who does it successfully. But EVERYONE who does it will tell you it's a right sod.

 

I am currently not smoking as I've been trying to give up, since the New Year. I've been smoking since I was 15 and that is a long time...

 

I am as a lot of people have been, way past any of the numbers of X-13's table of nicotine withdrawal symptoms.

 

However, I am still daily needing a huge amount of willpower to resist starting again.

 

Kol.

[witch]

..which is why , even as a Pagan, I give things up for Lent every year! It sort of hones my willpower and proves to me that I CAN give something up (not comparing it to obesity issues or smoking before anyone jumps down my throat!)

I managed to give up smoking eventually but even then, personal issues would send me straight back on the fags after years of abstention. I am still addicted and cold start again tomorrow - I CHOOSE not too and it does get easier over time.

[Guest salan]

We had some friends years ago (lost touch with them when we moved). They both smoked. He smoked about 60 a day. She smoked about 5 a day.

We persuaded them to give up.

He just gave up. She had terrible trouble.

I actually saw her on the sofa crying and very grey and shaking for a fag!

In the end they both started again.

So addiction for one is very dif then addiction for another.