[Powershell] Get-Excuse

[Geoff]

Here's a little power shell function to add into your error handling.

 

function Get-Excuse {
   (Invoke-WebRequest http://pages.cs.wisc.edu/~ballard/bofh/excuses -Proxy 'http://proxy:port' -ProxyUseDefaultCredentials -OutVariable excuses).content.split([Environment]::NewLine)[(get-random $excuses.content.split([Environment]::NewLine).count)]
}

 

Output looks like this:

 

PS H:\> Get-Excuse
CPU needs recalibration

PS H:\> Get-Excuse
Electrons on a bender

PS H:\> Get-Excuse
system consumed all the paper for paging

PS H:\> Get-Excuse
user to computer ratio too high.

PS H:\> Get-Excuse
the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer solstice

PS H:\> Get-Excuse
Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.

PS H:\> Get-Excuse
runaway cat on system.

 

Enjoy (you might need to muck about with the proxy parameters for Invoke-Webrequest or remove them entirely in some environments). Add it to your $Profile for extra fun times.

Edited February 27, 2015 by Geoff

[halbaradkenafin]

Saw this on Reddit yesterday and added it to my $Profile straight away, going to have some fun with it.

[Geoff]

Yeah, that's where I found it. I had to fix it for using a proxy though. I'm also tinkering with a variation called 'Get-Pooh-Bother'. It doesn't work reliably yet due to the nature of the source web page.

 

function Get-Pooh-Bother {
   (Invoke-WebRequest http://www.goofy.narod.ru/pooh/trash/18.html -OutVariable excuses).content.split([Environment]::NewLine)[(get-random $excuses.content.split([Environment]::NewLine).count)]
}

 

Here's the output (I've trimmed the blank lines).

 

PS H:\> Get-Pooh-Bother
"Bother!" said Pooh, as he felt Vader's presence.

PS H:\> Get-Pooh-Bother
Bother, said Pooh, as he reached for the reset button.

PS H:\> Get-Pooh-Bother
Bother, said Pooh, as his starship disintegrated.

PS H:\> Get-Pooh-Bother
"Bother", Said Pooh, I need a sauce for piglet.

PS H:\> Get-Pooh-Bother
Bother, said Pooh, and called in an air strike.

Edited February 27, 2015 by Geoff