[joke] These Sentences (Including BLOOPERS) [Apparently] Appeared In Church Bulletins.

[6Foot2]

Thank Goodness for church ladies with typewriters.

--------------------------

The Fasting and Prayer Conference -- includes meals.

--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

--------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

--------------------------

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

--------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

--------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.. Music will follow.

--------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice .

--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. (so, just how big ARE those envelopes??)

--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

--------------------------

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

--------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

--------------------------

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done..

--------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

--------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

- -------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

--------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

--------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'