You think English is easy???

  1. Gatt
    Gatt
    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce .

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
    .

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.


    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.


    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line...

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.


    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.


    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests...

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France ... Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn
    UP as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?


  2. GrumbleDook
    GrumbleDook
    To some extent the idea that English is difficult is misleading. The fact that English is a fusion from so many languages means that we will have similar words but from different derivations.

    A grocer does not groce because the word is derived from middle English / old French - gros(i)er ... one who deals in wholesale or items in gross. It describes what they are involved in not an action they do. The term purveyor is better, as the action is to purvey (or supply).

    So, whilst the context might make it seem a tad strange, if you were to break down phrases into simpler terms it would make the language very boring ... but easier to understand.

    Roll on Newspeak!
  3. elsiegee40
    elsiegee40
    Surely if a Grocer groced... then Grocer would actually be an incorrect spelling. If Groce was the verb, the person doing the Grocing would be a GrocOr

    e.g. A Purveyor purveys, but a stationer does not station
  4. lickydog
    lickydog
    Grocers aside, I've always wondered what exactly it is that fishmongers do...

    er... and cowpokes.
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