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Our Advertisers Thread, STOCKTOBER2! A month of prizes and sweeties from VeryPC in Purchasing and Trading; How do you keep an idiot entertained? Give him a piece of paper with PTO written on both sides....
  1. #1366

    sparkeh's Avatar
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    How do you keep an idiot entertained?

    Give him a piece of paper with PTO written on both sides.

  2. 2 Thanks to sparkeh:

    VeryPC (16th October 2013), VeryPC_Colin_M (16th October 2013)

  3. #1367

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    Quote Originally Posted by LeightonJames View Post
    How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
    I'll tell you later
    Quote Originally Posted by VeryPC_Colin_M View Post
    #winning
    How do you know? He hasn't finished the joke yet.

  4. 3 Thanks to bladedanny:

    sparkeh (16th October 2013), VeryPC (16th October 2013), VeryPC_Colin_M (16th October 2013)

  5. #1368

    sparkeh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bladedanny View Post
    How do you know? He hasn't finished the joke yet.
    ^^ Winner right there

  6. Thanks to sparkeh from:

    VeryPC_Colin_M (16th October 2013)

  7. #1369
    VeryPC_Colin_M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bladedanny View Post
    How do you know? He hasn't finished the joke yet.
    #newwinning

  8. #1370

    VeryPC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeightonJames View Post
    Can we all just note something?? It is 11:33 and we have not yet had today's Draw video.

    Al, what is going on???
    I'll tell you what's going on. There are so many jokes being submitted I'm having trouble keeping track so have dropped behind a tad.

    Worry not though, I found time to perform the crucial task of filming today's winner draw. I even had to interrupt a meeting to do it, but we got a special guest out of it:



    Congratulations to today's winner. Please would you be so kind as to select one of the remaining numbers as featured in the video above and i will reveal your prize later.

    Remember entries are still open, so if you get in now you'll be in the draw from tomorrow onwards until your name is drawn (but will be put back before the star prize PS4 draw). To enter just PM me your professional contact details if you are a UK based IT manager/tech type, OR if you've entered a VeryPC competition on EduGeek before, you can just speak up in the thread that you want back in and we'll add you.

    See you later!

    Al

  9. 3 Thanks to VeryPC:

    HaleStorm (16th October 2013), sparkeh (16th October 2013), X-13 (16th October 2013)

  10. #1371
    StevieM's Avatar
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    OK here goes.

    Joe Faze is the owner of a seafood restaurant. In the restaurant is a large fish tank from which diners can choose what they would like served up on their plate. In the large fish tank is an old squid, light green in colour with a little moustache. The squid has been in the tank for years and all the staff have become quite attached to him - they even named him Colin.

    One day, a man enters the restaurant and, much to Joe's horror, chooses Colin as his main course. Joe tries his best to dissuade the man, but he insists on the old squid.
    Trembling, Joe puts the net into the tank and captures Colin. With tears in his eyes, he carries the squid through to the kitchen. With his knife poised to prepare the squid for the dinner table, suddenly Joe breaks down. "I just can't do it. Not to Colin."
    Sobbing his heart out, he calls over Hans, his chief washer-upper. "You'll have to do it," Joe tells Hans.

    "What? Kill Colin?" asks Hans, "I... I... I..."
    Hans, too, bursts into floods of tears and the two men return Colin to the fish tank.

    This only goes to show that (are you ready for it?)






    "Hans that do dishes can be soft as Joe Faze with mild green hairy-lipped squid."
    Last edited by StevieM; 16th October 2013 at 12:10 PM.

  11. 4 Thanks to StevieM:

    Little-Miss (16th October 2013), teejay (16th October 2013), VeryPC (16th October 2013), VeryPC_Colin_M (16th October 2013)

  12. #1372

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    Quote Originally Posted by Griff View Post
    gifff sweetiess.....

    I man walks into a doctors surgery and says to the doctor "I think I'm a Jelly Bean" The Doctor shouts "get out of my surgery and stop wasting my f***ing time you idiot" The man goes home to his wife and she asks how the appointment went. "he looks at her and says "the doctor bit my head off"

    Knock knock!
    Whos there?
    Imogen.
    Imogen who?
    Imogen life without chocolate
    Bonus locked!

    Al

  13. #1373

    nephilim's Avatar
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    Hold up...why does Gonk get a round of applause?

  14. #1374

    VeryPC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by teejay View Post
    It might be cold and rainy, but Ive decided to put up a marquee in my garden with some funky music and flashing lights in it.

    Now is the winter of my disco tent.
    Bonus locked!

  15. #1375

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    Quote Originally Posted by hardtailstar View Post
    Wait what have I have missed??

    heres a joke.....

    Q: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A: A zebra with a drumkit.
    Bonus locked!

  16. 2 Thanks to VeryPC:

    hardtailstar (16th October 2013)

  17. #1376

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    Quote Originally Posted by HaleStorm View Post
    Ok heres some jokes

    What grey, got 4 legs and a trunk? A mouse going on holiday
    Whats brown, got 4 legs and a trunk? what that you say a mouse coming back from holiday? no your wrong its a suntanned elephant
    Whats green and furry and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? a snooker table
    Bonus locked!

  18. Thanks to VeryPC from:

    HaleStorm (16th October 2013)

  19. #1377

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    Quote Originally Posted by StevieM View Post
    A man walks in to a shop and asks for a packet of helicopter crisps.
    The shopkeeper replies, "Sorry, I've only got plain."

    What do you call a septic cat?
    Pus

    Two motorways are in a bar. In walks a skinny strip of pink tarmac who pushes past them, spilling their drinks. The motorways act as if nothing happened.
    A B-road says to them, "You're not going to let him get away with that, are you?"
    The motorways reply, "We're not messing with him! He's a cycle-path!"

    Plenty more where they came from...
    Bonus locked!

  20. #1378

    sparkeh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nephilim View Post
    Hold up...why does Gonk get a round of applause?
    Did you not see the theme tune video?

  21. #1379

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    Quote Originally Posted by CamelMan View Post
    Whats E.T. short for?
    He's only got little legs

    Whats red and sits in the corner?
    A naughty strawberry

    Why are there airports in the Amazon?
    Coz Jungle iz massive


    (apologies if any have been posted before - im off to give myself a slap for such poor joke-age..)
    Bonus locked

  22. Thanks to VeryPC from:

    CamelMan (16th October 2013)

  23. #1380

    nephilim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sparkeh View Post
    Did you not see the theme tune video?
    No, but I shall look for it!

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