Here is another joke picked up from a friend's LJ site.
THE SECRET OF POI!!! Read on only if you want to know the secret!
A young man, lost in his life, depressed, lonely and in danger of turning into a villain, on day tries to rob a Hare Krishna monk
Said youth draws a knife, and threatens the monk with it.
To his surprise, the monk promptly sits, and tells the youth that he can take whatever he has, so long as he puts the knife away.
The youth, unhappy at the lack of violence, swipes at the monk, and finds himself on his arse, the knife in the monk's hand..
He snatches the knife out of the unresisting hand, and tries again, to the same effect.
Shocked to the core, something is moved within the lad, and he sits by the monk, begs his forgiveness, and askes how the monk was able to remain so calm, and yet so easily defeat him.
The monk replies *The answer is The Secret of Poi*
The lad begs the monk to teach him, but the monk is shocked.
"The Secret of Poi is not mine to teach. First you need to learn to relax. Then you need to respect. Then you need to reflect. Only then will you learn The Secret of Poi"
The youth begged the monk to tell him where to go, and what to do, to gain such knowledge.
Monk tells him to seek the advice of the holy Man of Brighton, to begin his search for inner peace and The Secret of Poi, but warns him that the road will take many years, and is only for the people of the most serene disposition. The Secret of Poi was known only by the best of the best.
The youth promises to do his best, and does.
Six months it took him to find the Holy Man of Brighton. In that time he became clean, no drugs, no alcohol, not even tobacco.
Only when his head was clear did he realise where the Holy Man was to be found.
Clearly he would be at the show at the theatre at the end of the jetty, for he was a man of his peirs...
*My son, I see you have achieved much in six months. Your eyes are clear, as is your thinking*, said The Holy Man. *However, I am but the begining of your journey. You must now seek the temple of the Shao lin priests.
"And they will show me the Secret of Poi?" the lad yelled...
*Shush! This is a secret known only to the few. The Secret of Poi is one of the world's greatest secret. Even to acknowledge that you are aware of it puts your life at risk. And no, they will not teach you the secret. They will, however, in time, teach you how to attain inner peace, and incidentally how to clean stables. They have a lot of horses, do the Shao lin..."
After nine more months the youth, now bearded and muscled, located the temple. He beat at the dragon-carved doors, and requested entrance, to see the head of the order.
The doors opened, and a wizened old chap bade him enter.
Being rather more thoughtful, the lad said *I think I can guess, you are the leader of the order, and you are demonstrating that although you have high position you are still lowly enough to open the door to strangers*
*Nice try, cocker. I'm the sanitary engineer. I clean the bogs, The High muck-a-muck is having dinner*
The youth was intorduced to the Supreme Leader of the order, and begged to know the Secret of Poi.
*Alas, my son, I cannot teach you the secret. That art is for one so great I am hardly worthy to lick his plate...I mean boots* the old man burped
*However, I can start your training. A training that will introduce you to inner peace, harmony, and horse shit...*
Five years went by, and the lad daily cleaned the stables, attended prayers, ate lowly food, and grew heartily sick of horses.
Eventually the High Muck-amuck summoned him to his chamber.
*So, have you achieved inner peace?*
The lad thought...*Well, I have achieved blisters, a bad case of BO and a dislike of anything equine, and I haven't argued once, so yeah, I do believe I have!*
*This is good, my son, for it is time for you to go. Firstly, I think you are ready for more of your journey, and secondly, you stink...putting my sanitary engineer right off his rice, you are. Go seek out the bhuddist monks in deepest darkest Borneo. There you will learn more of The Secret of Poi, but be warned, it is a long process*
After a year of travelling on foot, and not being allowed, for the first month, to set foot in a house, due to the odourof horse shit, the lad reached the Bhuddist temple. Again he sought entry and an audience with The High Monk.
*That secret is not mine to give, I can, Bhudda willing, teach you respect for yourself, and for others, and help you on your journey. Incidentally, have you anything against yaks?*
Five years later, he is summoned again to see the High Monk, who bids him sit, some distance away.
*The time has come, my son, for you to learn The Secret of Poi. For you have achieved a respect for yourself, and for others. And a stink that'd stunn an elepjhant a hundred yards down wind, by the way....Seek out the Trappist Monks in York, tell them I sent you, and ask them the Secret of Poi. Tell them of your incredible journey of slef-understanding, and try to keep downwind when you do so*
So, the journey's endin sight, after a long voyage of self discovery, the lad arrives at the Trappist Monastary in York, and again requests entry and audience.
He is led, not as he expects, into the lodgings or audinence chamber, but to the kitchens, where a man in greasy overalls is cooking.
*I have been sent to seek the Secret of Poi* he says.
*Ah yes, I can smell the yak poo from here. Are you sure you want to know the Secret of Poi?*
*I have travelled far, and toiled many years to learn the Secret of Poi. If it is in your power, please tell me!*
The chef looks long and hard at the youth, once callow, shy and scared, no firm, muscular, assured yet at peace.
*Yes, I believe you are ready. However, before I can tell you the Secret of Poi, I need to ask you one question.*
*Sir, ask me anything!* said the lad
*Okay. You want to know the Secret of Poi. Tell me then, this...
Shepherds Poi or Cottage Poi?"
Had a feeling it was gonna head in that direction
If its Cottage Poi - shouldn't the story end in Birmingham? ;-)
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