Dilbert One Liners
I found these listed as Dilbert One Liners: One mistake has already been pointed out and I have removed it.
Here is what remains:
Also here is a link to a website which lists Dilbert quotes [10 quotes to a page]
- A friend in need is a pest indeed.
- A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
- A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
- Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
- All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening, engaged or married to someone else!
- Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
- Born free, taxed to death.
- Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
- Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- I DON'T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
- I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
- I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
- I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
- If at first you don't succeed......skydiving isn't for you.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
- If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
- In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
- In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
- It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
- It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?"
- Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
- Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
- My reality cheque bounced.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
- Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
- Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Someday is not a day of the week
- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
- The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
- The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
- The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
- The road to success.... Is always under construction.
- The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
- There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
- Try & try, if you don't succeed, then CHEAT
- When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
- When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
- When everything is coming your way......you're in the wrong lane.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
- Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Link: Dilbert Quotes, Famous Dilbert Quotes Quotations Dilbert Sayings
i love these dilbert one liners