Insurance Claims - [ old but still funny ]
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more
stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under
I realised the car was on fire so took my dog out and
smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the
A: Travelled by bus?
A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow.
The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed
a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This
distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend
on the pillion reached over and
grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I
would not have asked her to drive
it if I had thought there was any risk."
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other
pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car
and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so
I hit him again"
"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at
the wheel and had an accident."
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at
my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and
collided with a tree I don't have."
"The other car collided with mine without giving
warning of its intention."
"I thought my window was down, but I found out it
wasn't when I put my head through it".
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".
"A truck backed through my windshield into my
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a
number of times before I hit him."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my
As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my
vision and I did not
see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble
When my universal joint gave
way causing me to have an accident."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I
struck the pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car
"I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the
other side of the road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran
"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he
bounced off the roof of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy
in a small car with a big mouth."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was
later found in a ditch by some stray cows."