A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.
The gamekeeper shouts, "Dinnae drink thon water min, it's foo o' coo's sh*te n p*sh."
The man replies, "My good fellow, I'm English.... repeat that in English."
The gamekeeper replies, "I said use both hands - you get more that way."
Don't shoot the messenger, i just ctrl+v!