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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, UPS Mechanics in Fun Stuff; I don't know if these are actually true, but they are funny anyway!! They've been around for years but it's ...
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    Jawloms's Avatar
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    UPS Mechanics

    I don't know if these are actually true, but they are funny anyway!! They've been around for years but it's good to share them every now and then I believe


    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from the midget.

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    soveryapt's Avatar
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    Oh I needed a chuckle this morning .. thank you .. lol ..

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    X-13's Avatar
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    That was good.


    Though, I though it was going to be about this UPS.

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    Love these. Some more:
    Defect: The autopilot doesn't.
    Action: IT DOES NOW.

    Defect: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
    Action: Fresh seat cushion on order.

    Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
    Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

    Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
    Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.

    Defect: Pilot's clock inoperative.
    Action: Wound clock.

    Defect: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
    Action: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

    Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
    Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

    Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
    Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

    Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
    Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

    Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
    Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

    Defect: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
    Action: Ground checks OK.

    Defect: 3 roaches in cabin.
    Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

    Defect: Weather radar went ape!
    Action: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!

    These are the nice kind of internet chain letter/myth. I've seen this in a few incarnations and it always makes me chuckle.

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