Apple are wondering if anyone will buy their latest product make from timber.
The author above was in a pub boasting that he could tell any wood simply by smelling it. "OK put your money where your mouth is", said the landlord.
So they blindfolded him and held a barstool to his nose.
"Too easy", he declared. "Mexican pine from the foothills of Mount Ticcywikkiwahu".
So they tried him with the dartboard.
"Ummm", he mused. "I'll have to think about this one. Ah yes, Portuguese cork from the forests just north of Silves".
This went on for some time, with him correctly identifying all the wood they presented with him. Then the landlord whispered to the barmaid, "Quick Daisy, give me your pants". Daisy dropped her knickers and the landlord held them up to the expert's snout.
After a good long sniff he shook his head and exclaimed "I think you've got me! No hang on, let's have another sniff". He took a deep whiff, sneezed violently and then yelled triumphantly.
"Got it. It's a bog house door off a Grimsby trawler".
How long have you been waiting for an excuse to use that one...
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