+ Post New Thread
Results 1 to 3 of 3
Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Handy Tips in Fun Stuff; Circle a stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily ...
  1. #1

    Gatt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    6,658
    Thank Post
    858
    Thanked 646 Times in 429 Posts
    Rep Power
    498

    Handy Tips

    Circle a stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the
    garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the
    stain And check that it has gone.

    Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand
    next to the object you wish to view.

    Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet
    paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

    Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your
    home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of
    bleach,then urinating into it, before jumping in.

    An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
    inexpensive vibrator.

    Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken steroids
    by running a bit slower.

    Smokers. Save on matches and lighters, by simply lighting your
    next fag from the butt of your last one.

    Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of
    steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn,
    meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know
    the difference.

    Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd
    no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them
    about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

    High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed
    for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

    Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of
    your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have
    enough to insulate your roof.

    Corsa drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your
    car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems
    anyway, so It may as well look like one.

    A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent
    you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

    Fool next door into thinking you have more stairs than them by
    banging your feet twice on each stair.

    At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next
    customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.

    Girls. Don't worry about a nice dress for that important first
    date. All he's interested in is seeing you naked.

    Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl
    makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

    Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned
    to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

    Housewives. I find the best way to get two bottles of
    washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your
    shopping trolley
    and the other in your coat pocket.

    Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. They
    may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive.

  2. #2

    john's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    London
    Posts
    10,513
    Thank Post
    1,493
    Thanked 1,050 Times in 919 Posts
    Rep Power
    302

    Re: Handy Tips

    HEH just what I needed for a misrable Monday

  3. #3
    edie209's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Kernow
    Posts
    671
    Thank Post
    41
    Thanked 16 Times in 15 Posts
    Rep Power
    20

    Re: Handy Tips

    My wife has a corsa I must suggest the sparkler to her tonight

SHARE:
+ Post New Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Tips to (not) get the most out of your IT department
    By sidewinder in forum General Chat
    Replies: 74
    Last Post: 14th January 2008, 01:04 PM
  2. A handy link for WSUS users
    By GrumbleDook in forum Windows
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 14th October 2007, 06:50 PM
  3. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 18th August 2006, 04:42 PM
  4. Googlepack. So very handy.
    By Dos_Box in forum Downloads
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 22nd February 2006, 12:34 PM
  5. The handy beer-bot
    By Ric_ in forum Jokes/Interweb Things
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 6th February 2006, 11:31 PM

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •