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  1. #1
    Fatmas's Avatar
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    Friday Joke(s)

    A trio this week:

    The Soldier survived pepper spray and mustard gas.
    Now he is a seasoned veteran.


    Why was the Windows PC broke?
    It ran out of cache.

    How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
    Put it into a microwave until itís bill withers.

  2. #2

    DaveP's Avatar
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    Here's an old joke for Friday [You can tell how old it is by the reference to President Bush]

    Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

    "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

    So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

    Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

    "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

    "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

    "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

    Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

    After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

    "The Pope," his boss replies.

    "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.

    Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

    He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

    Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

    Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

    His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the heck is that on the balcony with Dave?'"


  3. #3

    ZeroHour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveP View Post
    Here's an old joke for Friday [You can tell how old it is by the reference to President Bush]

    Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

    Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

    "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

    So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

    Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

    "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

    "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

    "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

    Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

    After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

    "The Pope," his boss replies.

    "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.

    Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

    He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

    Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

    Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

    His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the heck is that on the balcony with Dave?'"

    I like, rep++

  4. #4

    bossman's Avatar
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    Damn that is sooooo old!

    A little like me that's why it is still good today hehe!

  5. #5

    witch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bossman View Post
    Damn that is sooooo old!

    A little like me that's why it is still good today hehe!
    Old? You? Never!
    Mature, perhaps, or even Experienced

    (nothing to do with you being the same age as me, honest! )

  6. #6

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    I had never heard that pope joke till the other day when i picked up an old readers digest to read on the plane.. and now i hear it a week later.. wierd.

  7. #7

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    Another old joke [that also references President Bush]

    George Bush and the Queen of England are hanging out. Bush asks, 'Queen, how do you know if the people you surround yourself with are intelligent?'

    'It's very simple Bush, I will demonstrate.'

    She picks up the phone and calls Tony Blair, 'Mr. Blair, if your mother has a son and it isn't your brother, who is it?'

    Tony Blair responds simply, 'That's easy my queen, it's me'

    'Very good Mr. Blair, that's all'

    Bush nods and heads off to the white house. when he arrives he calls up Dick Cheney, 'Dick, I gotta a question for ya. If your mother has a son, and it isn't your brother, who is it?'

    'I don't know Bush, I'll have to get back to you on that.'

    Dick calls up Collin Powell, 'Hey Collin, it's Dick, just got off the line with Bush. If your mother has a son and it isn't your brother, who is it?'

    'That's very easy Dick, it's me'

    'I see, thank you.' and he hangs up before calling bush back.

    'Mr. President, I have the answer. If my mother has a son and it isn't my brother, it's Collin Powell'

    'NO YOU IDIOT, IT'S TONY BLAIR!'




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