Got a few of them today:

My wife just left me, taking my satellite dish and Bob Marley CD collection…

No woman, no Sky.

How much coke did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men..

Two more topical jokes:

What did the one continental plate say to the other after the earthquake...
Not MY fault.

My coffee shop in Tokyo has had very few customers in the past 2 months,
It's ok now though, people are starting to drift in.