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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Church Newsletter bloopers in Fun Stuff; These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & ...
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    Church Newsletter bloopers

    These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

    --------------------------
    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
    ----------------------------
    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
    ----------- ---------------
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    --------------------------
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
    --------------------------
    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
    --------------------------
    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    --------------------------
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    --------------------------
    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
    --------------------------
    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
    --------------------------
    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music to follow.
    --------------------------
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice .
    --------------------------
    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    --------------------------
    Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    --------------------------
    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
    --------------------------
    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
    --------------------------
    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
    --------------------------
    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon .
    --------------------------
    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
    --------------------------
    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
    --------------------------
    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday .
    --------------------------
    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
    - -------------------------
    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
    --------------------------
    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church ... Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    --------------------------
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

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    EvLPhenom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laserblazer View Post
    --------------------------
    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church ... Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    '
    Brilliant LOL!!

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    AWicher's Avatar
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    lol, just what i needed!

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    andy_nic's Avatar
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    made me laugh lol

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    sonofsanta's Avatar
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    Made me chuckle quite a bit, which is increasingly rare on the internet now. Cheers!

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    dayzd's Avatar
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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music to follow.
    Giggled like a schoolboy at that!

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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    Lol, my favourite:

    "Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. "

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    CHR1S's Avatar
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    I've had to stop reading them, I cant stop giggling like a fool and the office ladies are giving me funny looks

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    ZeroHour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tech_guy View Post
    Lol, my favourite:

    "Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. "
    Me too, some are very good, rep ++

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    contink's Avatar
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    Thank $deity my family have disappeared and I'm on my own... Currently look like my wife after a particularly dramatic episode of "One born every minute"...

    Classics... absolutely helped lift the mood...

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