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    DaveP's Avatar
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    'Actual' Hospital Chart Entries.

    Despite the thread prefix this post isn't a joke [or series of jokes] per se. These are supposed to be entries found on hospital charts.

    Real or not these made me laugh.

    • The patient refused autopsy.
    • The patient has no previous history of suicides.
    • Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
    • Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
    • She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
    • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
    • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
    • The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
    • Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
    • Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
    • Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
    • She is numb from her toes down.
    • While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
    • The skin was moist and dry.
    • Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
    • Patient was alert and unresponsive.
    • Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
    • She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
    • I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
    • Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
    • Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
    • The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
    • Skin: somewhat pall, but present.
    • The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
    • Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
    • Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
    • When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room·
    • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
    • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
    • She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
    • Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
    • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
    • By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

  2. #2


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    •Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized

    Was this to do with his big top?

  3. #3

    MK-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laserblazer View Post
    Was this to do with his big top?
    Dear Google,

    I am highly disappointed at your search engine. After reading the above comment I entered "circus related penis jokes" and did not get an adequate enough response to allow me to make a funny in this thread. I did however see some images I wish I hadn't!
    Sincerely

    MK2

  4. #4

    Little-Miss's Avatar
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    lmao MK2!!!

    I was a student nurse for a while, dread to think of the stuff id wrote!

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    My brother is a medical coder. For anyone who doesn't know what they do, they produce a standardised record of everyone's trip to hospital. He has to deal with this all the time.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by MK-2 View Post
    Dear Google,

    I am highly disappointed at your search engine. After reading the above comment I entered "circus related penis jokes" and did not get an adequate enough response to allow me to make a funny in this thread. I did however see some images I wish I hadn't!
    Sincerely

    MK2
    Sounds like you need a Smoothwall box that would have solved those issues im sure

    Some good jokes in this lot

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