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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Unrealistic Job Spec in Fun Stuff; Senior Systems Engineer I am new to these technology but i am a fast lerner and will be up 2 ...
  1. #1
    somabc's Avatar
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    Unrealistic Job Spec

    Senior Systems Engineer

    I am new to these technology but i am a fast lerner and will be up 2 speed and delivering value to u in no time at all.

    We are looking for an energetic Senior Systems Engineer for our growing organization. This is a full-time position. Candidate must have at least 15 years experience in IT Operations in a medium to large organization. Skills that the successful candidate must have are:

    --3-5 years extensive experience with Windows Server 2008
    --10 years extensive experience with VMWare
    --Ability to think "outside the box"
    --Experience taking a Cisco router apart and putting it back together without voiding the warranty
    --Experience with soldering
    --Experience implementing and administering MS Exchange 2010
    --Some programming experience
    --12 years extensive Sun Solaris/HP UX/Red Hat/Suse Linux experience
    --5 years Citrix XenServer experience
    --VCR repair experience
    --Experience with Tripplite UPS systems 2kVA and higher
    --Experience with actually getting Tripplite PowerAlert software to run
    --7 years EHR implementation experience
    --12 years PACS administration experience
    --75 wpm typing speed (all candidates will be given a 1 hour Mavis Beacon typing test during the first interview)
    --entry-level janitorial experience
    --7 years experience with EMC Clariion FC/iSCSI arrays
    --Must be available for rotating 24/7/365 on-call shifts
    --CPR Certified
    --8 years experience with Dell, HP and IBM servers and hardware
    --Experience with implementing DoD-level security policies
    --Experience managing large enterprise projects
    --Extensive experience with Microsoft Paint

    Education and Skill

    Masters Degree in Computer Science, Computer Engineering, or Math, Ph. D. preferred
    CCIE, MCA, CISSP, PMP, A+ preferred
    Active Top Secret Clearance
    801 average credit score
    Must be independantly wealthy and willing to loan our business money if the credit market dries up more

    Equal Opportunity Employment for under 40, women and minorities
    H1/L1 Visas welcomed!

    Benefits:
    --Employer pays 10% of medical benefits
    --Occasional weekends off
    --Free $20 coupon book annually
    --Large Microwave Oven in break room


    Compensation: $29,900-$31,999 DoE
    Last edited by somabc; 27th October 2009 at 02:29 PM.

  2. #2

    GrumbleDook's Avatar
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    I'm sure that collectively we meet the criteria ... does the wording of the job really mean it is for a single person and not a Borg-like collective?

    Good one though.

  3. #3

    Ric_'s Avatar
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    I think that somebody is getting a little annoyed at the HR bots (and their unrealistic expectations) when he is applying for jobs.

  4. #4

    localzuk's Avatar
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    Love this one "--Extensive experience with Microsoft Paint"


  5. #5
    cookie_monster's Avatar
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    I like this as well sometimes you do get employers that want to the impossible

    --Experience taking a Cisco router apart and putting it back together without voiding the warranty

  6. #6

    sparkeh's Avatar
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    --entry-level janitorial experience
    Brilliant

  7. #7

    mac_shinobi's Avatar
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    Good luck with 3 - 5 years experience of server 2008

    "--3-5 years extensive experience with Windows Server 2008"

    Server 2008 has not been out that long lol

    LOL @ --Experience taking a Cisco router apart and putting it back together without voiding the warranty

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    DrPerceptron's Avatar
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    I'm liking the benefits package... a $20 coupon booklet. Sold!

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    -- Must be independantly wealthy and willing to loan our business money if the credit market dries up more

    Benefits:
    --Employer pays 10% of medical benefits
    --Occasional weekends off
    --Free $20 coupon book annually
    --Large Microwave Oven in break room

    So not only it management screws up you are expected to give them money, you only get 'Ocassional' weekends off.

    I'm sending a CV now, I don't own a microwave and could use the use of one....

  10. #10

    mac_shinobi's Avatar
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    No job too large or small for geoff , eh lol

  11. #11


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    I've never even tryed thinking while inside a box, who'd do something like that?

  12. #12

    mac_shinobi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by K.C.Leblanc View Post
    I've never even tryed thinking while inside a box, who'd do something like that?
    That explains the need for this

    --Extensive experience with Microsoft Paint

    lol I guess photoshop or paint shop or paint dot net or gimp or ought else is inside the box ?

  13. #13


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    Quote Originally Posted by mac_shinobi View Post
    That explains the need for this

    --Extensive experience with Microsoft Paint

    lol I guess photoshop or paint shop or paint dot net or gimp or ought else is inside the box ?
    No, they don't work if you leave them inside the box. Atleast I can't use software that's still in the box. Maybe my mind powers arn't strong enough.

  14. #14
    mossj's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by K.C.Leblanc View Post
    I've never even tryed thinking while inside a box, who'd do something like that?
    Some say THERE IS NO BOX!

  15. #15

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    Equal Opportunity Employment for under 40
    Pay attention to that one less-than-that-folk because it's very real, an awful lot of people have been burnt by it, and very few reckon the UK ageism legislation has made much difference.

    Must be independantly wealthy and willing to loan our business money if the credit market dries up more
    I once had one asking me not to pay in my wage cheque for another week if I could, and ordinarily it would have taken me that long to get around to it, but...

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