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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Something To Offend Most[?]: MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU in Fun Stuff; Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu: If you are ...
  1. #1

    DaveP's Avatar
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    Something To Offend Most[?]: MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

    Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

    Please select from the following options menu:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

    If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

    If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

    If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

    If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

  2. #2

    localzuk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveP View Post
    Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

    Please select from the following options menu:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

    If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

    If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

    If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

    If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

    If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
    Well, not specifically offensive, but wrong on a few points

    The issue with numbers is Dyscalculia not Dyslexia, Manic-Depression is the same as Bipolar.
    Last edited by localzuk; 27th July 2009 at 01:42 PM.

  3. #3

    DaveP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by localzuk View Post
    Well, not specifically offensive, but wrong on a few points :P

    The issue with numbers is Dyscalculia not Dyslexia, Manic-Depression is the same as Bipolar.
    My technician pointed out these flaws just as I was clicking the 'Submit new thread' button.

  4. #4

    mac_shinobi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveP View Post
    My technician pointed out these flaws just as I was clicking the 'Submit new thread' button.
    I just found it funny - I wasn't too fussed about the errors etc

  5. #5
    richard_s
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    Quote Originally Posted by mac_shinobi View Post
    I just found it funny - I wasn't too fussed about the errors etc
    Same here

  6. #6

    localzuk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mac_shinobi View Post
    I just found it funny - I wasn't too fussed about the errors etc
    Yes, but i'm a fussy git

  7. #7

    mac_shinobi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by localzuk View Post
    Yes, but i'm a fussy git
    yeah we noticed lol

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    CPLTD's Avatar
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    made me smile for sure

  9. #9

    localzuk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mac_shinobi View Post
    yeah we noticed lol
    I aim to please.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by CPLTD View Post
    made me smile for sure

    hahaha

  11. #11

    CPLTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by apoth0r View Post

    hahaha
    yeah you know fella lol

  12. #12
    apoth0r's Avatar
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    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP(EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)

  13. #13

    Little-Miss's Avatar
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    I've got this on my phone! It's great. I also have one about a certain F word....

    Dyscalculia? So there is a number dyslexia? I may have to look this up......*few minutes later* Wow, i may have a label!? lol

  14. #14

    mac_shinobi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by apoth0r View Post
    BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP(EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
    Yeah - does your phone sound like this .... BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP

  15. #15
    apoth0r's Avatar
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    My phone will be going out the window, role on next month when i can renew my contract and get rid of this piece of garbage (w910i)

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