Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Insults in Fun Stuff; These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
"He had delusions ...
15th July 2009, 07:49 AM #1
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.."
- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.'
- Jack E. Leonard
'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.'
- Robert Redford
They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.'
- Thomas Brackett Reed
'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.'
- Billy Wilder
'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.'
- Abraham Lincoln
'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?'
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
'A modest little person, with much to be modest about. '
- Winston Churchill
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"White man cuts off end of rug, sews it to other end, thinks rug is longer."
(an old Native American joke about "daylight savings time")
15th July 2009, 07:54 AM #2
love it, very entertaining read
15th July 2009, 08:57 AM #3
- Rep Power
Thanks, you just reminded me of the Monkey Island insults
Insult: You fight like a dairy farmer.
Comeback: How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
Insult: My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!
Comeback: So you got that job as janitor, after all.
Insult: I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Comeback: Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?
Insult: I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
Comeback: I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.
Insult: I once owned a dog that was smarter then you.
Comeback: He must have taught you everything you know.
15th July 2009, 10:28 AM #4
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
- Samuel Goldwyn
15th July 2009, 01:06 PM #5
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
“He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.”
- Victor Borge talking about Mozart
“The stupid person’s idea of a clever person.”
- Elizabeth Bowen on Aldous Huxley
“If people don’t sit at Chaplin’s feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting.”
- Herman J. Mankiewicz
"What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank" Liberace
15th July 2009, 01:28 PM #6
So you've got the quote of the day app as well then.
Originally Posted by stu
15th July 2009, 03:44 PM #7
Yus and it was worthy
Originally Posted by Heebeejeebee
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