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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, How many lawyers does it take... in Fun Stuff; ...to change a light bulb? Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely ...
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    How many lawyers does it take...

    ...to change a light bulb?

    Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination ofthe area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

    1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aformentioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout.

    2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes seperated from the party of the third part ('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

    3. Once seperation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the second part (light bulb).

    Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part (lawyer), or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do som the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'.

  2. #2

    vikpaw's Avatar
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    i'm sure it's really funny, i just can't be bothered to read it, i'm just so sleepy, feeling v. tired. . . . .

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    I printed it off and read it while I 1adapoo.

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    accura2000's Avatar
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    Not bad, very long winded but i seem to think its probably a real document produced by the LEA legal team! lol

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    elsiegee40's Avatar
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    Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None - It's a hardware problem.

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    webman's Avatar
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    Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Two if they're small enough.

    Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None - it will change itself when it's ready

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    GrumbleDook's Avatar
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    Since no-one has re-posted it (and I've added a few new lines to keep those who have seen it before interested).

    How Many Forum Members Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb

    1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been
    changed

    14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
    light bulb could have been changed differently

    7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

    27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light
    bulbs

    53 to flame the spell checkers

    41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

    6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

    ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

    2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is
    "lamp"

    15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
    bulb" is perfectly correct

    156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in
    violation of their "acceptable use policy"

    27 to report it to the Mods

    4 to report is to the admins as they don't trust the mods to deal with things fairly and then they post that they have told the admins

    5 to post thanks for the reporting

    10 to give negative rep to those reporting

    2 to scream about freedom of speech

    109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take
    this discussion to a lightbulb forum

    203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and
    lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped

    111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
    bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

    306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to
    buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this
    technique and what brands are faulty

    3 suppliers to out quote each other on prices for light bulbs

    27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

    14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
    corrected URL's

    3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to
    this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

    33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all
    headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

    12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
    cannot handle the light bulb controversy

    19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

    4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

    44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

    4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

    143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions
    about light bulbs"

    1 WoW spambot to tell you how you can make gold from changing your light bulb

    10 to report a spambot

    1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
    start it all over again

    and one Linux user to say don't change the lightbulb, welcome to the
    darkside ... but his name is Geoff so we know it is the correct answer!

  8. #8

    sparkeh's Avatar
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    Thanks GD, that is brilliant.

    My own personal fave:

    "How many vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?"

    "Dunno"

    "You don't know 'cos you WEREN'T THERE MAN!"

  9. #9

    Andrew_C's Avatar
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    You need context for this one; I'm at the oldest continually taught-in school in the country. They are a bit set in their ways...

    How many Winchester Dons does it take to change a light bulb?

    CHANGE??!!!

  10. #10
    antoeknee's Avatar
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    GD I think you missed one ther would be a discussion about 'light bulb'

    Someone would argue that bulbs grow and that lamps light!

  11. #11

    Andrew_C's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by antoeknee View Post
    Someone would argue that bulbs grow and that lamps light!
    That's theatre technicians... Lamps glow; bulbs grow.

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