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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, NERD JOKES: How many do you understand? in Fun Stuff; NERD JOKES How many do you understand? * F(x)= sin(x) walks into a restaurant and orders some soup. The waiter ...
  1. #1

    mattx's Avatar
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    NERD JOKES: How many do you understand?

    NERD JOKES
    How many do you understand?

    * F(x)= sin(x) walks into a restaurant and
    orders some soup. The waiter replies, "Sorry
    but we don't cater for functions here."

    * I have a complex relationship with my
    girlfriend. I'm Real, and she's Imaginary...

    * What's got feathers and goes "Pieces of
    seven, pieces of seven?" A parroty error.

    * An infinite number of mathematicians go into
    a bar. One asks for a pint of beer, the next
    asks for a half. The third asks for a quarter
    of a pint, and the fourth asks for an eighth of
    a pint. The barman pours two pints and says
    "Just sort it out among yourselves".

    * Two kittens are on a roof but both of the are
    sliding down. which one falls off first? The
    one with the greatest mew.

    * Why do Java programmers need glasses? Because
    they can't C sharp.

    * Why do programmers get Halloween and
    Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

    * Two atoms are shooting the one day
    ATOM 1: Mate, I think I've lost an electron.
    ATOM 2: Are you sure?
    ATOM 1: Yep, I'm positive.

    * What is the contour interval around western
    Europe? Zero because all the Poles are in
    eastern Europe.

    * Some people think the glass is half empty.
    Some people think the glass is half full.
    Database admins think the glass is twice the
    size it needs to be.

    * Your mother is so fat she sat on a Binary
    Tree and turned it into a linked list in real
    time.

    * Two spiral galaxies walk into a pub. The
    landlord says "I can serve *you*..." (points at
    the first), "but not *you*..." (points at the
    second). "Why not?" - "Because you're barred."

    Scoring! If you understand X jokes then you =

    x=0: Our mum
    x=1..3: Our dad
    x=4..6: Carol Vorderman
    x=7..9: John Tickle
    x=10..12: Steve Wozniak

  2. #2

    vikpaw's Avatar
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    nearly all so i must be a super nerd, but i'm not admitting which one i didn't get!

  3. #3
    DrPerceptron's Avatar
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    I didn't get the Galaxy one, the cat one and the Halloween/Christmas one...

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    powdarrmonkey's Avatar
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    I'm embarassed to admit that I get all but one

    I've seen some before, of course... Dec25/Oct31 always amuses me

  5. #5

    sparkeh's Avatar
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    Is it embarrassing to admit to all?

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    gibbo_ap's Avatar
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    i got most of them...

    googled and found :

    DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS

    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
    and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
    and the address of the memory makes your floppy disc abort,
    then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

    If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
    and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
    and your data is corrupted 'cause the index does not flash,
    then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

    If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
    says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
    but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
    that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

    and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
    so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
    then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
    'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the suckers gonna hang.

    When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disc,
    and the micro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
    then you have to flash your memory, and you'll want to RAM your ROM...
    Quickly turn off your computer and go and tell your Mom.


    LOVE IT LOL

  7. #7

    tmcd35's Avatar
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    Mattx, you have too much time on your hands!!!

    I all but halloween/christmas (although I can guess) and two kittens. I liked the database one...Very true!

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    Trying to work out the parroty error, but I actually laughed out loud at sat on the binary tree

  9. #9

    mattx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gibbo_ap View Post
    i got most of them...

    googled and found :

    DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS

    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
    and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
    and the address of the memory makes your floppy disc abort,
    then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

    If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
    and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
    and your data is corrupted 'cause the index does not flash,
    then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

    If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
    says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
    but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
    that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

    and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
    so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
    then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
    'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the suckers gonna hang.

    When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disc,
    and the micro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
    then you have to flash your memory, and you'll want to RAM your ROM...
    Quickly turn off your computer and go and tell your Mom.


    LOVE IT LOL
    Love it.

  10. #10
    mark's Avatar
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    mews? barred?

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    powdarrmonkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OutToLunch View Post
    Trying to work out the parroty error, but I actually laughed out loud at sat on the binary tree
    It's a play on 'parity' error, where the eight bit in a serial signal is used for detecting errors (the parity bit). A parity error is when there is a data error, so the parity bit doesn't match up.

  12. #12
    salan's Avatar
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    Great!
    All but the last one, so nerd city here I come!

  13. #13

    SYNACK's Avatar
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    I am easily in the top bracket, only missed one - not telling which

  14. #14

    tmcd35's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by salan View Post
    Great!
    All but the last one, so nerd city here I come!
    [ame=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barred_spiral_galaxy]Barred spiral galaxy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/ame]

  15. #15
    Talorin's Avatar
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    All but one

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