MICROSOFT TO LAUNCH RANGE OF CLOTHING THAT DOESN'T WORK
MICROSOFT is to launch a range a range of branded t-shirts that need to be constantly updated, it was announced last night.
The company said the $15 'Softwear' shirts were the most advanced it had ever produced, with a host of new features including enhanced security and a thing that makes your old LPs into photographs of CDs.
Microsoft chief executive Steve Ballmer said that by next summer the t-shirt will be fitted to every new baby within seconds of its birth, or else.
However, early purchasers complained the shirts were slow and difficult to use and many came without neck holes forcing them to wear the t-shirt on their head.
Dan Kravitz, a developer from San Adreas, said: "I had to pay $49 for McAfee Anti-Stain Protector which has to be sprayed on eight times a day.
"And everytime I lift my left arm it asks me a series of apparently meaningless and contradictory questions."
"I've also had to throw out all my old t-shirts and sign a contract promising not to let my wife wear it."
Meanwhile, Apple is to launch its own range of $250 t-shirts destined to become next year's must-have hi-tech, epoch-making lifestyle accessory, even though they are actually just t-shirts.