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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Paying with spiders in Fun Stuff; Think this will take off with the credit crunch?...
  1. #1

    TechMonkey's Avatar
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    Paying with spiders

    Think this will take off with the credit crunch?

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    powdarrmonkey's Avatar
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    ICT_GUY's Avatar
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    Nice.

    We have a couple of phone droids chasing for imaginary debts at the moment. The sort who hide behind the Data Protection Act to avoid telling you who they are and what its about.

    After having them slam the phone down on me several times they now get one of the following.

    3 year old talking about her birthday cake.

    Devil dog recording played on repeat from my N95.

    A blank refusal to reveal any information on who lives at the address due to the data protection act.

    Demands to know who they are, a direct phone line number and their name before I answer anything.

    Banana phone song.

    Penis is the proper word Song.

    The internet is for porn song.

    Me calling for mommy continually until they hang up. (mommy is that you mommy? do you know where my mommy is? This upsets them as I am 38 years old).

    If they are phoning from HBOS I demand to speak to someone who is not going to loose their job after the coming merger

  4. #4

    TechMonkey's Avatar
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    I thought they were all valid ways of answering the phone anyway!

    Me calling for mommy continually until they hang up. (mommy is that you mommy? do you know where my mommy is? This upsets them as I am 38 years old).
    I am hoping you ahve a deep gravelly voice. Otherwise it would totally kill the thing in my head

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    ICT_GUY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TechMonkey View Post
    I thought they were all valid ways of answering the phone anyway!



    I am hoping you ahve a deep gravelly voice. Otherwise it would totally kill the thing in my head
    Very deep.

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    ICT_GUY's Avatar
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    Yesterday,

    Droid Can I speak to Miss *******.
    Me Whos calling please?
    Droid Albion Finance.
    Me I will need your parent company, direct dial phone number and name please.
    Droid ITS A PRIVATE BUSINESS MATTER, IS MISS ***** THERE?
    ME I'M NOT HAVING A PHONE DROID TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!
    I slammed the phone down. and chuckled for ages.

    The previous one got funny when I wanted the parent company and refused to tell me so I pretended to go off my trolly ranted about the data protection act and threw the phone down on him.

    The joys of droid baiting.

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    TechMonkey's Avatar
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    I just put a falsetto voice almost immeadiately after they ask for a female member of the household. Then dare them to prove I am not Miss TechMonkey

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    ICT_GUY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TechMonkey View Post
    I just put a falsetto voice almost immeadiately after they ask for a female member of the household. Then dare them to prove I am not Miss TechMonkey
    I was thinking of doing a similar thing, but pretending that I was a pre op transexual (taking the hormones so had a deep voice).

    I am also thinking of getting a script together, like the tiscali droids, that would be fun. Also including as many web meme references as possible.

  9. #9

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    Could use the Telemarketer Counter-script Quite amusing.

  10. #10
    ICT_GUY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TechMonkey View Post
    Could use the Telemarketer Counter-script Quite amusing.
    Thats being used tonight.

    Reading through it, its gold, and I'm so going to enjoy using it. I think I will be recording the conversations too.
    Last edited by ICT_GUY; 12th November 2008 at 03:49 PM.

  11. #11

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    All I get's a login box and I really don't have time to go through the registration process, what's it all about?

  12. #12

    Andrew_C's Avatar
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    They've gone all secretive with capcha and stuff. Try here instead!

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    ICT_GUY's Avatar
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    Worked a treat, droid fell at first hurdle, kept saying she was Albion Finance. She got very frustrated with the final reply of "I'm sorry, but the information you want is unavailable to you" (when asking for my wife). Absolute gold.

  14. #14
    ICT_GUY's Avatar
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    After another night of fending off calls I had a brain wave. Since I already run a small business I thought why not use this script>

    Welcome to Barking Spider technical Support Line. We support Server 2003, 2008 and all Microsoft operating systems. This is also the Premiere support line for our Webhosting and Web Design business. All numbers and calls are recorded for billing purposes. Calls made to this number are charged at £25 per call should you agree to the terms of this agreement.

    There is also a £10 fee for continual abuse of this technical support line applicable for persistent nuisance calls. Continuation of this call constitutes acceptance of this agreement. Since your company is already registered with us, billing will be automatic and proceed at the end of the call. All fees should be paid within 14 days of receipt of the bill, failure to do so will incur a £15 late payment fee. If you do not wish to be charged the £25 technical support fee then you should hang up now.

    What is the nature of your technical Problem.

    Iím sorry but we only support Microsoft operating systems, specifically Server 2003, 2008 and applicable client operating Systems. Since you have agreed to be charged the £25 technical support fee perhaps you have a personal IT problem you would like to discuss?

    Iím sorry but by continuing this call you have agreed to the conditions of this technical support Service.

    Iím sorry but due to restrictions imposed on me by the data protection act I cannot give out any details about anyone who may or may not work for this company. Now since you have agreed to the cost of this call shall we get back to the problem you are experiencing?

    What is the nature of the technical issue you are experiencing?

    Iím sorry but you must understand, this is a line used for our premiere support calls, it is not available to the General Public and you have agreed to be bound by the terms and conditions of the user agreement.

    Thank you for calling Barking Spider Technical Support.

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