+ Post New Thread
Results 1 to 13 of 13
Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, The Dam in Fun Stuff; THE DAM This is a typical bureaucratic correspondence. It's funnier the more you read. (This is an actual letter sent ...
  1. #1

    mattx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    9,240
    Thank Post
    1,058
    Thanked 1,068 Times in 625 Posts
    Rep Power
    740

    The Dam

    THE DAM

    This is a typical bureaucratic correspondence. It's funnier the more you read. (This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property.)

    It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read States letter before you get to the response letter.)



    Subject: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N;R10W, Sec.20; Lycoming County

    Dear Mr. De Vries:
    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property.

    You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

    A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes ans Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 1 to 3 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.

    All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31,2006. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

    Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

    Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions. Sincerely, David L. Price District Representative and Water Management Division.

    Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023;T11N; R10W Sec 20; Lycoming County
    Dear Mr. Price, Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.

    I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaning two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

    While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris".

    I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe i can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

    These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this typr of dam activity.

    My first dam question to you is:

    (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

    (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 1 to 3 of the Pennsylvania Complied Laws, annotated.)

    I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

    The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurance, which the Department is required to protect.

    In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harrassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green, and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.

    If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

    So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now.

    Why wait till 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

    If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! the bears are not careful where they dump! Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to you dam office.

    THANK YOU,

    RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

  2. #2
    joe90bass's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    S Wales
    Posts
    1,352
    Thank Post
    325
    Thanked 107 Times in 96 Posts
    Rep Power
    51
    Quality!!

    I particularly like
    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

  3. #3

    Hightower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Cloud 9
    Posts
    4,920
    Thank Post
    494
    Thanked 690 Times in 444 Posts
    Rep Power
    241
    ....wait for the link to the original story ............ It's on its way I'm sure.....


  4. #4

    Geoff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Fylde, Lancs, UK.
    Posts
    11,803
    Thank Post
    110
    Thanked 583 Times in 504 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    224
    Heh, not quite, but I'll humor you.

    snopes.com: Beaver Dam Letter

  5. #5

    mattx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    9,240
    Thank Post
    1,058
    Thanked 1,068 Times in 625 Posts
    Rep Power
    740
    Oopppps, that is also copyrighted. Oh dear, at this rate the whole internet will be sued and countersued. And it's all my fault.

  6. #6

    webman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    North East England
    Posts
    8,408
    Thank Post
    640
    Thanked 961 Times in 661 Posts
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rep Power
    326
    Dam! Wat-er shame....

  7. #7

    mattx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    9,240
    Thank Post
    1,058
    Thanked 1,068 Times in 625 Posts
    Rep Power
    740
    Quote Originally Posted by webman View Post
    Dam! Wat-er shame....
    GROAN - thats terrible

  8. #8

    webman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    North East England
    Posts
    8,408
    Thank Post
    640
    Thanked 961 Times in 661 Posts
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rep Power
    326
    Yes, I know, sorry. I've been beavering away at that one all afternoon.

  9. #9

    tech_guy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    That little bit in the middle of Little Old England
    Posts
    8,136
    Thank Post
    1,913
    Thanked 1,345 Times in 743 Posts
    Blog Entries
    3
    Rep Power
    395
    Lol I like the idea of some official trying to stop bears from crapping in the woods!

  10. #10
    ninjabeaver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Norfolk
    Posts
    1,089
    Thank Post
    182
    Thanked 100 Times in 88 Posts
    Rep Power
    46
    Quote Originally Posted by webman View Post
    Yes, I know, sorry. I've been beavering away at that one all afternoon.
    ........... TAXI for a Mr. webman.
    Last edited by ninjabeaver; 4th July 2008 at 03:29 PM. Reason: Too quick for me own good.

  11. #11
    krisd32's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Longridge, Preston
    Posts
    545
    Thank Post
    85
    Thanked 68 Times in 47 Posts
    Rep Power
    43
    ^^^^^ that again is disgraceful
    here you go there's your coat!!!

  12. #12

    Hightower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Cloud 9
    Posts
    4,920
    Thank Post
    494
    Thanked 690 Times in 444 Posts
    Rep Power
    241
    Quote Originally Posted by ninjabeaver View Post
    ........... TAXI for a Mr. Tech Guy.
    Shouldn't that be a TAXI for webman?

    EDIT: I see you beat me to it haha

  13. #13
    ninjabeaver's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Norfolk
    Posts
    1,089
    Thank Post
    182
    Thanked 100 Times in 88 Posts
    Rep Power
    46
    And a thanks to MattX on that post. Made me laugh out loud.

SHARE:
+ Post New Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •