A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now
you probably won't remember, but I'm afraid you were in a pile-up on the
motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything seems to be
OK, but there is a bit of bad news and I'm going to break it to you as
gently as I can. Your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable
to find it.'

The bloke groans but the doctor goes on, 'We've checked
your insurance and you've actually got £9,000 compensation coming to you
and the good news is that we have the technology now to build you a new
willy that will work just as well as your old one, better in fact. But the
thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It is one thousand pounds an inch.'

The bloke perks up a bit at this. 'So it's a simple
decision,' the doctor says, "you need to decide how many inches you want.
But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had
a five inch willy before and you decide to go for a nine inch willy now,
she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine incher before and you
decide only to invest in a five incher now, she might be a bit
disappointed. So it's important that you consult with her to help you make
the decision.'

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. 'So' he says, 'have you spoken with
your wife?'

'I have.' says the chap.

'And has she helped you to make the decision?'

'Yes, she has' he says.

'And what is the decision?' asks the doctor.

'We're having a new kitchen.'