Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, tech support in Fun Stuff; Dear Tech support.
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began ...
3rd June 2008, 11:04 AM #1
Dear Tech support.
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
No mention of this phenomenon was included
in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.
Also it appears to have self installed some kind of system destroying application called Mother-In-Law 2.5, which appears interfear with all other applications I attemp to run?
I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me!!
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.
Wife 1.0 is an "OPERATING SYSTEM" and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (PS). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.
The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE.
The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the PS.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
There is an application called Mistress 2.1 which may help, but we warn you, this MUST be installed using STEALTH MODE!! As again this is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of Luck.
IDG Tech News
3rd June 2008, 11:10 AM #2
3rd June 2008, 11:16 AM #3
Meh, as old as the internet And 'interfere' is "e-r-e". *runs off*
3rd June 2008, 11:34 AM #4
You were supposed to run Pre-Nup 9.2 clean up program first that will allow you to uninstall Wife 1.0 without warning such as Child Support/Alimony also do not plug in USB device named P.Nis without having anti virus system in place as this will create Child 0.1 meaning Pre-Nup 9.2 will be ineffective. Format the system with Divorce 3.1 having run Pre-Nup successfully you'll be able to go and install Girlfriend 8.0
How sad am I?
Getting married soon though 22/9/2008 so I clearly don't listen to my own advice
3rd June 2008, 11:53 AM #5
Best advice I can give if you're getting married is to just say yes to everything. It makes life easier.
3rd June 2008, 11:54 AM #6
or pot kettle black haha...condolences i mean congratulations! lol
3rd June 2008, 11:56 AM #7
I've seen this one before, but it still makes me smile!
3rd June 2008, 12:00 PM #8
On my wedding day my old man gave me the best bit advice about marriage that any man could want........
"The best way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once!!"
Not put it to the test yet though!
I wear the trousers in my house, the wife just tells me which ones to put on.
3rd June 2008, 12:08 PM #9
I know my place...in the wrong
3rd June 2008, 12:09 PM #10
On my wedding night we were in the honeymoon suite and as I was undressing for bed, I tossed my trousers to my new bride and said: "Here, put these on."
Originally Posted by muppet
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said I, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."
With that she flipped me her knickers and said: "Try these on."
I tried them on and found I could only get them on as far as my kneecaps.
"Hell," I said.''I can't get into your knickers!"
She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."
The old 'uns are the best!!!
26th July 2009, 08:55 PM #11
Funny Tech Support Calls
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…
Tech support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
Customer: can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”
Tech support: “Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: “P”…..on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT
As ever these are supposed to be true. Even if they are not I think that some of them are quite funny [had not heard/seen the one about running a Cannon printer "under Windows"
26th July 2009, 10:22 PM #12
Glad somone knows his place
Originally Posted by tech_guy
27th July 2009, 09:40 AM #13
I liked that one
Originally Posted by DaveP
By tom_newton in forum Educational IT Jobs
Last Post: 9th May 2008, 11:03 AM
By Dos_Box in forum General Chat
Last Post: 23rd April 2007, 04:45 PM
By russdev in forum Jokes/Interweb Things
Last Post: 16th February 2007, 06:13 PM
By barryfl in forum General Chat
Last Post: 1st March 2006, 10:20 PM
By jonk in forum Downloads
Last Post: 30th January 2006, 10:46 PM
Users Browsing this Thread
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)