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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, tech support in Fun Stuff; Dear Tech support. Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began ...
  1. #1
    Inbir316's Avatar
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    tech support

    Dear Tech support.

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

    No mention of this phenomenon was included
    in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

    Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

    I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.
    Also it appears to have self installed some kind of system destroying application called Mother-In-Law 2.5, which appears interfear with all other applications I attemp to run?

    I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me!!

    Thanks Joe



    Dear Joe:

    This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.

    Wife 1.0 is an "OPERATING SYSTEM" and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

    It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

    Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (PS). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

    The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE.
    The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the PS.
    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0.

    Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    There is an application called Mistress 2.1 which may help, but we warn you, this MUST be installed using STEALTH MODE!! As again this is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of Luck.
    Tech Support

  2. #2
    flashsnaps's Avatar
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    Classic

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    Ryan's Avatar
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    Meh, as old as the internet And 'interfere' is "e-r-e". *runs off*

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    wesleyw's Avatar
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    You were supposed to run Pre-Nup 9.2 clean up program first that will allow you to uninstall Wife 1.0 without warning such as Child Support/Alimony also do not plug in USB device named P.Nis without having anti virus system in place as this will create Child 0.1 meaning Pre-Nup 9.2 will be ineffective. Format the system with Divorce 3.1 having run Pre-Nup successfully you'll be able to go and install Girlfriend 8.0

    How sad am I?


    Getting married soon though 22/9/2008 so I clearly don't listen to my own advice


    Wes

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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    Best advice I can give if you're getting married is to just say yes to everything. It makes life easier.

    ;-)

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    Inbir316's Avatar
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    or pot kettle black haha...condolences i mean congratulations! lol

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    elsiegee40's Avatar
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    I've seen this one before, but it still makes me smile!

  8. #8
    muppet's Avatar
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    On my wedding day my old man gave me the best bit advice about marriage that any man could want........

    "The best way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once!!"

    Not put it to the test yet though!
    I wear the trousers in my house, the wife just tells me which ones to put on.

  9. #9

    CESIL's Avatar
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    I know my place...in the wrong

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    Quote Originally Posted by muppet View Post
    I wear the trousers in my house, the wife just tells me which ones to put on.
    On my wedding night we were in the honeymoon suite and as I was undressing for bed, I tossed my trousers to my new bride and said: "Here, put these on."

    She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said.

    "That's right,'' said I, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the trousers in this relationship."

    With that she flipped me her knickers and said: "Try these on."

    I tried them on and found I could only get them on as far as my kneecaps.
    "Hell," I said.''I can't get into your knickers!"

    She replied: "That's right... and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."


    The old 'uns are the best!!!

  11. #11

    DaveP's Avatar
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    Funny Tech Support Calls

    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
    Female customer: A white one…

    ===============

    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
    Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
    Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
    Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….

    ===============

    Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?

    ===============

    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
    Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
    Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

    ===============

    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

    ==============

    Customer: I have problems printing in red…
    Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
    Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.

    ===============

    Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

    ===============

    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
    Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
    Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer:! OK
    Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
    Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

    ===============

    Tech support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

    ===============

    Customer: can’t get on the Internet.
    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.

    ===============

    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

    ===============

    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

    ===============

    Tech support: How may I help you?
    Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

    ===============

    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
    Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
    Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”

    ===============

    Tech support: “Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.”
    Customer: I don’t have a P.
    Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
    Customer: What do you mean?
    Tech support: “P”…..on your keyboard, Bob.
    Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

    ===============

    As ever these are supposed to be true. Even if they are not I think that some of them are quite funny [had not heard/seen the one about running a Cannon printer "under Windows"

  12. #12

    witch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tech_guy View Post
    Best advice I can give if you're getting married is to just say yes to everything. It makes life easier.

    ;-)
    Glad somone knows his place

  13. #13

    RabbieBurns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DaveP View Post

    Customer: canít get on the Internet.
    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes, Iím sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.
    I liked that one

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