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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Brave Man Jokes! in Fun Stuff; Hi All, I got sent this this monring, thought i would post it on here lol How do you turn ...
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    EduTech's Avatar
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    Brave Man Jokes!

    Hi All,

    I got sent this this monring, thought i would post it on here lol

    How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    Marry It!

    What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
    A battery has a positive side.

    What are the three fastest means of communication?1) Internet
    2) Telephone
    3) Telawoman

    How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
    They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

    How do you p*ss off a female archaeologist??
    Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.

    How is a woman like a condom?
    Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your di * k.

    What should you give a woman who has everything?
    A man to show her how to work it.

    Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a
    waist?

    Because you could easily fit another pair of boobs in there.

    How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
    Put a nipple on it.

    Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?Because they don't have balls to scratch.

    Why do women fake orgasms ?
    Because they think men care.

    What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
    Nothing, she's been told twice already.

    If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
    you done wrong?


    Made her chain too long

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it.

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
    never be able to support you.

    Why do women have smaller feet than men?It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand
    closer to the kitchen sink.

    How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
    When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    Why do men pass gas more than women?
    Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
    pressure.

    If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
    the front door, who do you let in first?

    The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

    What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
    A woman who won't do what she's told

    I married a Miss Right.
    I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%

    It's called a Wedding Cake.

    Why do men die before their wives?
    They want to.

    Women will never be equal to men...
    until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
    Then God created Man and rested.
    Then God created Woman.
    Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

    Regards

    James

  2. #2
    Ryan's Avatar
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    ROFL!! Some of those are brilliant (and pretty damn close to the bone)

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    elsiegee40's Avatar
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    Sorry, suffering from a sense of humour bypass this morning. First day of half term and all that

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    TechMonkey's Avatar
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    /hushed silence

    /tumbleweed

    /a church bell in the distance strikes the hour

    .........

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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    TinyChimpBoy watch out - the female edugeekers will be coming for you with torches and pitchforks.....

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    elsiegee40's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tech_guy View Post
    TinyChimpBoy watch out - the female edugeekers will be coming for you with torches and pitchforks.....
    Not today; by me anyway. I can't be bothered. Normally, I can laugh at these jokes when they appear on here. I don't have a problem. Somehow this lot didn't make me smile today...

  7. #7

    CHR1S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tech_guy View Post
    TinyChimpBoy watch out - the female edugeekers will be coming for you with torches and pitchforks.....
    Theres women on here??

    *Joey Voice* How YOU doin??

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    chrbb's Avatar
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    Redress the balance:P

    http://www.jokesaboutmen.net/

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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by elsiegee40 View Post
    Not today; by me anyway. I can't be bothered. Normally, I can laugh at these jokes when they appear on here. I don't have a problem. Somehow this lot didn't make me smile today...
    I know the feeling. I think it's because it's a Monday. It doesn't feel like I've had a weekend off at all.

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    Pete10141748's Avatar
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    haha they all made me laugh!

    I'll add one, just for the hell of it

    Why is a Gun better than a Wife?
    Well, you can put a silencer on a gun.

    Apologies to the females present

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pete10141748 View Post
    Why is a Gun better than a Wife?
    Well, you can put a silencer on a gun.
    Someone's watched Shoot 'Em Up.

    Phil

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    john's Avatar
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    Oh dear oh dear, another cage is required I feel

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    Edu-IT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pete10141748 View Post
    haha they all made me laugh!

    I'll add one, just for the hell of it

    Why is a Gun better than a Wife?
    Well, you can put a silencer on a gun.

    Apologies to the females present
    I like that one!

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