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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Dad Jokes in Fun Stuff; ok, we all have them. I just pulled this one at work. Lady: Argh I have something in my shoe ...
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    nephilim's Avatar
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    Dad Jokes

    ok, we all have them. I just pulled this one at work.

    Lady: Argh I have something in my shoe
    Me: I'm pretty sure that would be your foot.

    Badumtss.

    Anyone got any dad jokes they care to share?

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    Tesla's Avatar
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    somone asked me a penguin joke earlier.

    What kind of cake does a penguin eat on their birthday?
    Real answer = Fish Cake

    My answer (which is infinitely better, and was an instant guess) - Brrrr-thday Cake.

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    nephilim's Avatar
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    Operator: 999 whats your emergency?
    Man: You have to send help, my wife is having a baby!
    Operator: Is this her firstborn?
    Man: No this is her fiance.


    This will probably be me by Friday!

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    Quote Originally Posted by nephilim View Post
    Operator: 999 whats your emergency?
    Man: You have to send help, my wife is having a baby!
    Operator: Is this her firstborn?
    Man: No this is her fiance.
    Man: No, this is her husband...

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    I realised I couldn't just correct other peoples' jokes without contributing a bad one of my own...

    Man walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The barman says "Where did you get that??" and the frog says "I won him in a raffle."

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    DaveP's Avatar
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    OK. You asked for it:

    We have one of these standing outside the office door today:



    Teacher: What is that?

    Me: A big fan if mine.

    Teacher: Where was it made?

    Me: Watford. It's a Watford fan.


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    abillybob's Avatar
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    Duck walks into a bar and says
    "Got any bread?"
    Bar Man: "No Sorry we don't sell bread here"
    Duck: "Have you got any bread"
    Bar Man: "NO I HAVE JUST SAID NO BREAD HERE"
    Duck: "Got any bread?"
    Bar Man: "If you say that once more I'm going to nail your stupid beak to the ground!"
    Duck: "Got any nails?"
    Bar Man "No"
    Duck: "Got any bread?"


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    nephilim's Avatar
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    Why does Magneto not wear purple any more?
    Because the days of fuschia've passed.

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    Tesla's Avatar
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    Person itching their eye "argh there's something in my eye"

    "yeah, its your finger!"

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    nephilim's Avatar
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    Dad: 'Hey son, pass me the hammerfor.'
    Son: 'What's a hammerfor?'
    Dad: 'Banging in nails, stupid.'

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    A pack of Wrigleys and a pack of Hubba Bubba are sitting in a bar having a drink talking about their day.

    A pack of Airways walks in and all of sudden the pack of Hubba Bubba dives under the table and hides.

    The Wrigleys says: "Who you hiding from?

    The Hubba Bubba replied: "The Airways!! He's menthol!"

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    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?...Cliff
    What do you call a man in a river?...Bob
    What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?...Doug

    Man walks into a bar and says ouch!

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    Tesla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EvLPhenom View Post
    What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?...Doug
    What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas

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    What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
    What do you call a man with three eyes? Seymour
    What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head? Warren

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    What d you call a man in a big pile of leaves? Russel.

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