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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Dad Jokes in Fun Stuff; After a meal as I pick up the plates my wife often says "the dishwasher is filling up" and I ...
  1. #46

    CESIL's Avatar
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    After a meal as I pick up the plates my wife often says "the dishwasher is filling up" and I just have to reply "I didn't know it is so emotional"

    And at school if a pupil asks if they can go to the toilet I reply "yes but not here!"

    And when my kids were small and they asked to get down from the table I would ask why they were on it in the first place.

    In my defence I must say I got most of my Dad jokes from my Dad and growing up in the 70s watching the likes of Tommy Cooper.

  2. #47

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    Conversation with my wife:

    Wife: "What was the name of that guy who created Frankenstein?"
    Me: "Er... Frankenstein's Dad?"
    Wife: "..... I meant the monster..."
    Me: "Ahhhhh"

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    Frankenstein was the creator :P
    Also, apparently the monster has been known as Adam

  4. #49

    CESIL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Garacesh View Post
    Frankenstein was the creator :P
    Also, apparently the monster has been known as Adam
    That's not very funny even for a dad joke! 😀

  5. #50

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    She opened the door in her nighty.
    Funny place to have a door.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by sonofsanta View Post
    Real life Dad joke: the car park barrier at Lincoln hospital has a sign on it saying "depress button for ticket". Every single time, much to the annoyance of my wife in the passenger seat, I will start telling it that it's a rubbish button, nobody likes it, it can't do its job properly...
    Haha brilliant

  7. #52


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    A Bloke goes to doctor, complaining about his leg. "It keeps talking," he says.
    Doctor tells him to take off his pants and lie on examination couch.
    He then listens to man's thigh through the stethoscope.
    Thigh says, "Lend us a tenner."
    "Remarkable," says doctor, moving stethoscope down to knee.
    "Lend us a fiver," says knee.
    "Incredible," says doctor, moving stethoscope down to ankle.
    "Lend us a couple of quid," says ankle.
    "Amazing!" says doctor.
    "What's wrong?" asks man.
    "Your leg is broke in three places."

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    What do you call a deer that can't see?


    No idea.....

    What do you call a deer that can't see and has no legs?


    Still no idea....

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    What do you call a dog with no ears?

    Anything you like - it can't hear you....

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    How did the man drown in the muesli? He was pulled under by a very strong currant.

    When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

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    bladedanny's Avatar
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    What's pink and fluffy?

    Pink Fluff

    What's green and fluffy?

    Pink fluff feeling sea sick.

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    If you're struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.

    I dreamed about drowning in an sea made out of orange fizzy pop last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

    What do you call a Mexican man leaving the hospital? Manuel.

    I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

    I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

    And my current favourite..............
    I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

  13. #58

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    What is green, has 4 legs, 22 balls, and can kill you if it falls onto you out of a tree? A snooker table.

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    I bought an Alcoholic Ginger Beer last night.

    He wasn't happy

  15. #60


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    Quote Originally Posted by tech_guy View Post
    What is green, has 4 legs, 22 balls, and can kill you if it falls onto you out of a tree? A snooker table.
    How many legs?

    snooker.jpg

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