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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Dad Jokes in Fun Stuff; two guys walk into a bar Well you would have thought that one of them would have seen it...
  1. #16
    Mcshammer_dj's Avatar
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    two guys walk into a bar

    Well you would have thought that one of them would have seen it

  2. #17

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    Two oranges walk into a bar, one orange said to the other "Your round"

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    Mcshammer_dj's Avatar
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    what do you call an irish man with two bit of glass on his head? Paddy O Doors

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    webman's Avatar
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    All computers at the seaside are connected via a Pier-to-Pier network.

    Kids going on school trips to the seaside are told not to bury their Head in the sand.

  5. #20

    DaveP's Avatar
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    What do you call a woman with egg and bacon on her head? Cathy.

    And on that note I will bow out of contributing to this thread.

    Thank you all and good night.

  6. #21

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    garfield-funny-comics1.jpg

    This made me chuckle!

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    Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.

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    webman's Avatar
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    Me and this other bloke fought over the last roll of grass in the garden centre. It was a real turf war.

    I wanted to make my garden more space-themed so I laid astroturf.

  9. #24
    Mcshammer_dj's Avatar
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    Just been on the Holiday of a Lifetime.

    Never again

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    What's Bob Marley's favourite donut?
    Wi' Jammin.

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    Tesla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmer3568 View Post
    How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
    Wi' Jammin.
    fixed that for you

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    gtg93's Avatar
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    I went to buy a watch today, and the man in the shop said "Analogue?"
    I said, "No, just a watch."
    --
    I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle."
    The bloke said "Kenwood."
    "I said, "Where is he?
    --
    Last edited by gtg93; 24th June 2014 at 02:00 PM.

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    webman's Avatar
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    Postal staff working in dangerous areas wear chainmail.

    I watched a man crawl out of a building, crying, covered in strands of wool. I thought, "he's been through the mill."

  14. #29
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    A monkey is sat in a bar drinking shots when the barman asks what is wrong.
    "I've just lost my job" said the Monkey
    "You're in luck" said the barman "there is a circus in the next town"
    The monkey looked puzzled and asked "What would a circus want a chartered surveyor for"

  15. #30

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    A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him
    Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him
    ...BUMP,
    it goes.. ...BUMP..
    ...BUMP..
    Terrified, the man begins to run towards his house, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him..
    Faster..
    FASTER..
    BUMP..
    BUMP..
    BUMP!
    He runs up to the door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him..
    However, the coffin crashes through the door - its lid clapping dementedly.. Clappity-BUMP..
    Clappity-BUMP..
    Clappity-BUMP..
    Hot on the heels of the terrified man..
    Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is mixed with sobs and gasps..
    With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.
    Bumping and clapping towards him..
    The man screams and reaches for something, anything...
    but all he can find is a bottle of Benylin in the medicine cabinet.. Desperate, he throws the bottle at the coffin..



    (wait for it...)


    ...the coffin stops!

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