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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, 25 Highbrow Jokes in Fun Stuff; 1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: ...
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    LeMarchand's Avatar
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    25 Highbrow Jokes

    1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”

    2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”

    3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

    4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

    5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

    6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

    7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

    8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.

    9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.

    10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.

    11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.

    12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

    13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”

    14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

    15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.

    16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”

    17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.

    18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”

    19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”

    20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

    21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.

    22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.

    23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

    24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

    25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

    From the Independent

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    unixman_again's Avatar
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    I've always known the answer to 7 as "Two, one to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools".

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    TechMonkey's Avatar
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    Some of these are great but it gets a bit much when a paper is reporting on Reddit threads!

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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    Excellent!

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    X-13's Avatar
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    I got a few laughs out of these.

    Nice way to approch the end of the day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by TechMonkey View Post
    Some of these are great but it gets a bit much when a paper is reporting on Reddit threads!
    The Daily Mail does this most days, admittedly a few days behind Reddit!

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    sparkeh's Avatar
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    Hehe good stuff.

    Think I possibly posted this the other day but anyway: There are two types of people in the world, those that understand recursion and those that understand that there are two types of people in the world.

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