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Jokes/Interweb Things Thread, Worst Christmas Jokes. in Fun Stuff; We'll soon be pulling our crackers and telling terrible jokes, so I thought I'd start now. I'm getting a singing ...
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    Worst Christmas Jokes.

    We'll soon be pulling our crackers and telling terrible jokes, so I thought I'd start now.

    I'm getting a singing laptop for Christmas.


    It's a Dell.

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    Domino's Avatar
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    harf-narf

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    X-13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laserblazer View Post
    We'll soon be pulling our crackers and telling terrible jokes, so I thought I'd start now.

    I'm getting a singing laptop for Christmas.


    It's a Dell.
    Oh no! You drooped over the side of a boat!

    It's a dell, rolling in the deep.



    Le EDIT: bah, ninja'd

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    bandgeekmafia78's Avatar
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    Put a spanner in the works with a few 'baby in a blender' jokes. My nan loves them.

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    LeightonJames's Avatar
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    Nobody, and i mean nobody has the perfect bottom.

    After all, they all have a crack in them!!

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    HarryMonkey's Avatar
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    Recently, I was staying in a hotel where they were holding a massive chess tournament. I was in the lobby, and could hear lots of people talking about great they are, who they've beaten and how long they've been playing.


    You know, one thing I really hate is chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

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    teejay's Avatar
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    Q: What's the perfect Christmas gift for the person who has everything?
    A: A broad spectrum antibiotic.

    Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?
    A: Subordinate clauses

    Q: Did you ever hear of Adolph the brown-nosed reindeer?
    A: He could run as fast as Rudolf, he just couldn't stop as fast.

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    sparkeh's Avatar
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    What do Eskimos sing when they get their Christmas Dinner?

    Whalemeat again, don't know where, don't know when...

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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    Things you can get away with saying to your Granny ..only at Christmas time:


    1/ I prefer breasts to legs...

    2/ Tying the legs together keeps it moist inside...

    3/ If i don't undo my trousers I'll burst...

    4/ Excellent spread...

    5/ I'm in the mood for a little dark meat...

    6/ Are you ready for seconds yet...?

    7/ It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it...?

    8/ Don't play with your meat...

    9/ Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go....

    10/ Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once...?

    11/ I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time....

    12/ How long will it take after you put it in...?

    13/ You'll know it's ready when it pops up....

    14/ Just pull the end and wait for the bang....

    15/ That's the biggest bird I've ever had....

    16/ I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning....

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    aerospacemango's Avatar
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    I used to go out with an English Teacher but we eventually broke up because she disliked my improper use of the colon....

    A bloke offered me 8 legs of venison, in the pub the other night...all I could think was "Is that too dear?"

    Last edited by aerospacemango; 17th December 2012 at 04:55 PM.

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    Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

    1.
    Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

    2.
    Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

    3.
    Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

    4.
    Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

    5.
    Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

    6.
    Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

    7.
    Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

    8.
    Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

    9.
    Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

    10.
    Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
    Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
    Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ....

  12. #12

    DaveP's Avatar
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    Why is it advisable to own a David Bowie themed wallet?
    So that you always know where your ch-ch-change is.

    Well you asked for terrible jokes. Want more?

  13. #13

    jinnantonnixx's Avatar
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    I popped into the pub earlier. There was nobody there apart from the barman. He left to change a barrel, so I was alone.
    A voice came from behind the bar where they keep the snacks. The voice said 'You look nice tonight'.
    I thought this was very odd, so I mentioned it to the barman when he returned.
    'Ah', he chuckled, 'those were the complementary nuts'.
    Last edited by jinnantonnixx; 17th December 2012 at 11:57 PM.

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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    I've just got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.
    It's not her main present, it's just a stocking filler....

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    Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are getting everything sorted for Christmas. Darth Vader says to Luke "I know every gift you are going to receive". Luke, somewhat surprised at this asks "How can you possibly know that?". Darth Vader says "I felt your presents".



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