Forgetting that April 1st wasn't a school day in 2012 or 2013, I've had this sitting in my drafts folder, waiting for it's turn ...
You may be aware that we have been experiencing some intermittent problems with X, our main 'file' server. After much tenacious investigation we believe we have identified the issue but we will need your assistance to rectify it.
As technically adept users you will know your files and are stored as 'data' arranged in Blocks, Bytes and at the most fundamental level, Bits. These are stored on disc platters which rotate at high speed - 7500 to 15000 revolutions per minute (rather faster than those old Perry Como records to be sure!).
Increases in storage density mean that these bits are now arranged on the disc platters vertically instead of the old method of storing them horizontally (rather like storing matches, you will get more in an area if you stand them upright). Unfortunately, the nature of our data means that this can cause two problems. First when discs stop spinning for a rest (during break or lunch), data can bunch up together and the 0's can get squashed and end up looking a lot like 1's. In some cases this can be so severe that the data becomes like a member of the Russian parliament, corrupted. The second problem is that files can sometimes slip on the disc and bang against each other, further exacerbating the squashing of the 0's and also unbalancing the disc platters which can cause wavy lines when documents are printed, interference on video and strange moaning sounds within mp3's and audio files. In the worst case, bits can fall over pushing documents off the disc entirely or causing a catastrophic domino like cascade of destruction!
To ease the situation we need to create some buffer zones between files and even within documents themselves. These should absorb the energy of impacts rather like the crumple zone on a car. Doing so is easy, please just remember to insert a few blanks lines between paragraphs and, at the end of documents just add a few blank pages, empty PowerPoint slides or in a spread sheet, a few blank worksheets. Double spacing of paragraphs in email is really helpful too.
I f y o u r i n f o r m a t i o n i s r e a l l y i m p o r t n a t, c o n s i d e r s p a c e s b e t w e e n t h e l e t t e r s o f w o r d s f o r m a x i u m p r o t e c t i o n.
We hope to be able to upgrade the type of bits we use over the Easter and in the summer implement a parroty protection scheme, until then please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this may cause and thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Call manager fun *redirects every office number to pizza hut*
*redirects phones onto their own 2nd line*
Thinking of setting everyones internet homepage to End of the Internet
thing is, all of our machines are booked for a service on the 31st, so we could put this on all of them! :D
Funny what you can do with some CSS xD