London bridge is burning down, burning down....
Sorry: you call could not be connected, Reason: 0 error.
"Your call is important to us, we are sorry for the delay.."
"Sorry, the fire tender we sent out was actually a clown car with confetti in buckets. We will resend a real fire engine once we have worked out how this has happened. Alternatively if you can hold on we will send one out once we have updated the whole fleet.
I use Capita for SIMS!!!.
Imagine the senario .. Sorry we cannot send a fire engine out to you due to a patch that was applied and now needs to be re released.
Is there anything they won't turn their hand to?
Is it April 1st today?
Garacesh (26th March 2012)
"Let me just input those details... sorry our site is running slowly at the moment..."
Sorry, your telephone isn't running the latest version, please upgrade and try again... as your back starts to get warm.
Or, this is due to be fixed in the next release of Fireman 2.0
OOORRR... sorry, we can't connect you at this time, please log your call via websupport (which is what your phoning about as it's on fire.
please do not have any fire between the following times as we are performing an essential upgrade.....
"You have a fire? We'd be happy to attend site based on a day-rate basis, but your house must meet the list of pre-requisites I'm about to email across"
“….ooooooh, actually, you don’t appear to have a valid support contract with us – you will have to contact your local LA approved provider who will then have to escalate it to us first”
"Help! My house is on fire!"
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
tech_guy (26th March 2012)
Here is a little bit more from the LFB re this: London Fire Brigade - Fire Authority votes to outsource 999 Control centre
Now as I have an interest in the Fire Service I have been watching this closely and this is a bad move. I have a friend who works in LFB control so I do feel for him. The control function of a Brigade should stay within a Brigade or do what Surrey F&RS and Isle of Wight have done and moved their control over to Surrey to provide a better service. The core function of a modern F&RS must be kept in house, when you start our sourcing like this they are just failing. Saying that it isn't the first time the LFB have out sourced things i.e. their Training and full fleet contract to AssetCo who are falling under.
They have just moved to a brand new building to host it all at Merton I think.
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