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General Chat Thread, Technical explanations in General; Every so often you get asked a question concernng I.T. Sometimes either the answer is not an easy one to ...
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    alexknight's Avatar
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    Technical explanations

    Every so often you get asked a question concernng I.T. Sometimes either the answer is not an easy one to convey, or heaven forbid, you cannot think of a reasonable explanation!

    So it would be a good idea to compile a list of handy explanations that will at worst baffle and at best make you look very I.T superior?

    I'll start the ball rolling, but remember, the explanation has to be technically correct.

    Q. Why is the system/network running slowly today?

    A. SIMS is requesting information and hence the MSDE is denegrating the batch process on the server.

    Alex

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    Re: Technical explanations

    Why does it have to be technically correct?!! Tell 'em anything - they won't have the first clue what you're talking about anyway! Sometimes it even comes back round to you via the staffroom which is hilarious.
    See BOFH archives!
    "Sunspots" is my favourite and yes it is actually based on scientific fact apparantly...
    Something about sunspots affecting the atmosphere which can cause memory chips to misbehave!!

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    alexknight's Avatar
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    Re: Technical explanations

    Have you a link to the BOFH archives?

    What does BOFH stand for? Sorry for my denseness.

    Thanks

    Alex

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    Re: Technical explanations

    I sense the force is strong in this one...

    BOFH stands for Bastard Operator From Hell and is the creation of Simon Travaglia. It now resides at The Register and is usually updated on a Friday (although there hasn't been anything new for a couple of weeks. Hopefully another one along today!).

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    Re: Technical explanations

    teacher to IT engineer: "why are the computers not working today?"
    IT engineer to teacher: "more to the point, why are *you* not working today [or any other day for that]?"
    too harsh??

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    mark's Avatar
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    Re: Technical explanations

    Quote Originally Posted by alexknight
    A. SIMS is requesting information and hence the MSDE is denegrating the batch process on the server.
    somethings intefering with the smooth operation of the foofoo valve you mean?

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    Re: Technical explanations

    Quote Originally Posted by free4440273
    teacher to IT engineer: "why are the computers not working today?"
    IT engineer to teacher: "more to the point, why are *you* not working today [or any other day for that]?"
    too harsh??
    You're a teacher infiltrator really aren't you free4440273??

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    Re: Technical explanations

    its could also be the alternating diaphragnic progressantor or the keyliepunjanic ball spring backing plate.

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    Re: Technical explanations

    The original BOFH archive is here http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html and is hilarious reading... much better than the newer stuff imho. Somewhere in there he has an excuse calandar and uses a different one for each day...

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    Netman's Avatar
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    Re: Technical explanations

    BTW... did you know that binary code has it's origins in the silk trade? It all came about from the invention of punched cards invented to enable weavers to put complicated patterns into silk....

    Just my thought for the day!!

    So if anyone is bustin ya balls about ICT just say "It's a little known fact but..." and launch into the above...
    Alternatively start waxing lyrical on the subject of subnetting - that even makes other techs turn white and vanish!!

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    Re: Technical explanations

    When asked why something isn't working I like using the "there's interference between the chair and the keyboard" one.

    Or when people are asking “how long till it’s fixed” I sometimes reply “it should start getting better in about 6 and a half minuets”. (That’s how long it takes to boil our kettle and make a cup of tea).

    Getting back on topic. I usually just blame everything on server replication and start quoting TLAs.

    The PDC was having trouble interrogating the DNS which resulted in a TLO (Temporary Loss of Operations), but the FBM (Fixed By Magic) protocols kicked in and now we’re back up and running.

    Or having spent what seems like the best part of an hour listening to some “I.T. wiz” tell me what’s wrong with the system I use “I think you're on the right track here, sounds like an IDC (I Don’t Care) problem, I’ll look into it”.

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    Re: Technical explanations

    I often quote the problem as a ID ten T, user error: (write it down alpha numeric)

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    Re: Technical explanations

    Yep, I'm also a fan of the 'problem exists between keyboard and chair' or PEBKAC excuse.

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    Re: Technical explanations

    Best one ever though came from a manufacturer (I won't name). We bought a load of their wireles PC cards and proceeded to install them in Win98SE PCs (fully supported by manufacturers driver). Worked fine until we put WEP on then they would not correctly log on. If you bypassed the logon however (so that the shell loads and executes everything in HKLM\sw\ms\cv\run), WEP worked fine. When we reported this to the manufacturer support, their official response was that 'they did not anticipate that anyone would want to use their WIRELESS NETWORK CARD on a NETWORK)!!!

    We got it to work though!

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    Re: Technical explanations

    From Acer ...
    "I'm sorry if the sticker on the case of the laptop that says 'ready for Windows NT' lead you to believe that you could install Windows NT on it. You can do but only if you have the laptop that is built for US distribution. We can make the minor change to the machine's hardware configuration (minor? They wanted to change the m/b and CPU) but only if you promise not to use it anywhere other than the US."

    So we stuck Windows 2000 Pro on instead.

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