General Chat Thread, Annoying Neighbours...... in General; Next door neighbour! 80 year old old lady who I have a lot of respect for, I have taken her ...
11th April 2011, 10:43 AM #1
Next door neighbour! 80 year old old lady who I have a lot of respect for, I have taken her down to the shops in the past, brought her shopping, I have cleaned all her front and back yard with the pressure washer, fixed her phone line when it stopped working and much more. This weekend, she barged open my back gate and told me to get rid of my horrible, ugly, discusting chimanea. This chimanea she can't actually see unless she looks over the wall as its 7foot high, and not only that; it's at the other side of my extention. Do you think I should respect the elderly and get rid of it (being respectful even further to the elderly), or leave it there and continue to be not on good terms with her? I never light the chimanea; I only have it for decoration and seriously there is no way she can see it unless she gets something to stand on and looks over the wall.
11th April 2011, 10:53 AM #2
sod her, its your garden, you do what you like.
She was probably having a "what can I moan at next" day. What next, you paint your house green to blend in with the grass.
11th April 2011, 10:57 AM #3
I'd say this is one of those situations where you need to talk to her, and tell her that you're happy to continue helping her, etc... but you're not going to be pushed into changing your own life and property to suit her desires. ie. there are boundaries.
11th April 2011, 11:05 AM #4
to be honest It's on your property it's behind a fence, and it's got sweet f-all to do with her
you have shown her great respect and kindness by helping her with cleaning/shopping but the line is crossed the first time someone barges in uninvited.
I would with the deepest respect tell her to do-one.
11th April 2011, 11:08 AM #5
She says she is trying to do me a favour and make my garden look nicer. I have a very nice garden, I always maintain it.
Last edited by oalcock; 11th April 2011 at 11:10 AM.
11th April 2011, 11:40 AM #6
Thank her for her suggestion, but re-inforce that it's your garden, you like it, and intend to keep it the way it is.
Thanks to webman from:
beeswax (11th April 2011)
11th April 2011, 11:46 AM #7
Ah, Burnley. Cobbled streets, terraced houses, Turf Moor, Harry Potts, the Jimmys McIlroy and Adamson, Brylcreem, Last Tango in Padiham, jumpers for keeping the cold out.
I agree with webman. It's a very tricky situation dealing with neighbours, and things can escalate if not handled carefully. You're a good neighbour, remember that, and may we all live to be 80.
11th April 2011, 11:49 AM #8
Bear in mind she may, at 80, be suffering from alzheimers or the start of it, and she was having one of her less rational days. I've got a great aunt in her eighties. One day you phone her up and she's her usual self. The next time she doesn't know who you are and tells you to **** off which is rather unsettling at times coming as it does from an octogenarian...!
Failing that she's probably just a sour old biddy and it's none of her business. I'd paint it bright pink and stick it on your front lawn.
11th April 2011, 11:51 AM #9
My nan is the same. The other say she was asking me when i am due to leave school then asking me why i am not doing national service.
Originally Posted by tech_guy
11th April 2011, 11:57 AM #10
Wow! OMG! I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour from a neighbour. I think you've gone above and beyond in helping her but I concur with other posters - there is a line and she crossed it! Big style!
When you help her, is it because she specifically asked you to or did you offer because she was moaning about it in the sort of way that suggests that she hopes if she moans enough someone will do it?
I would say if you offered to help her to stop her moaning I'd not bother offering to help. Or supply her with details of a local business she can pay to do the work for her. It is likely she will then want to know why you won't help her.
I would then explain to her that her behaviour offended you and you felt that your right to privacy in your own garden has been infringed because you feel uncomfortable that she has spied on you. I would explain that you like the Chimnea and as it is ornamental only her comments serve only to hurt you (do you use it as a planter at all - that would 'prove' it has no 'antisocial' use?) and to that end you will no longer be offering your assistance to her.
That's certainly how I would approach the situation if it were me. Don't let this woman walk all over you!
From a legal standpoint there is nothing she can do even if she claims you burn noxious rubbish (which you've said you don't do as you don't burn anything at all in it) as she would need to prove it and would have to call environmental health when you are burning noxious rubbish so they can measure the 'fumes'. If it is ornamental she won't have a leg to stand on...
11th April 2011, 12:09 PM #11
Tell her politely where to go. ;-)
11th April 2011, 12:10 PM #12
It doesn't bother her from an environmental health issue side of things, it isn't just this! I was working on my house one day inside, with the front door open knocking down a wall and she just came in because she could see I was doing the house up, and said I was stupid for knocking down the wall. It could either be jelousy or she has a mental problem. (this is a partition wall by the way that divided my hallway with my lounge).
Last edited by oalcock; 11th April 2011 at 12:12 PM.
11th April 2011, 12:21 PM #13
I think you're being too nice about it. How would she react if you just walked into her house uninvited. This is not the 80's anymore (1880's I mean ) - she needs putting in her place.
Originally Posted by oalcock
11th April 2011, 12:24 PM #14
Take up naturism at home, that'll stop her barging in.
On second thoughts, she might think it's a good idea and join you....
11th April 2011, 12:34 PM #15
so you're saying it's a win win situation?
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