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General Chat Thread, Smack yourself on the side of head jokes.... in General; On the floor of a cave, I found pictures of women's breasts, but when I picked them up, a giant ...
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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    Smack yourself on the side of head jokes....

    On the floor of a cave, I found pictures of women's breasts, but when I picked them up, a giant net fell on me.

    Damn booby trap.....
    Last edited by tech_guy; 11th June 2010 at 09:36 AM.

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    tech_guy's Avatar
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    Piracy sure is killing the music industry.

    You try playing the guitar with a hook.....

  3. #3

    tech_guy's Avatar
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    I'm trying to convince the missus that we really do need a 32-incher in the bedroom but she's having none of it.

    My afro-Caribbean friend is really disappointed....

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    Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club.
    It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......


    BUMP........


    BUMP........


    BUMP........


    Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.


    BUMP........


    BUMP.......


    BUMP.......



    He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin..


    Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.

    BUMP.......

    BUMP........


    BUMP........



    He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........



    BUMP........BUMP......



    BUMP.......BUMP.....



    BUMP.......BUMP......



    The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......






    BUMP........BUMP ........ BUMP......



    BUMP........BUMP......BUMP....




    BUMP...BUMP......BUMP......



    He started to sprint, but so did the coffin




    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.




    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...




    BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.BUMP.





    Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and flopped into his comfy chair.





    Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....






    BUMP .... SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...



    BUMP..SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH.




    BUMP..SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...




    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH..




    In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........





    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...




    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...



    BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...




    The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges....
    The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.




    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP ... SCREECH...



    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH..




    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP..SCREECH...




    In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......
    He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came





    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...








    He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....
    Still it came......





    BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP..SCREECH...





    He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it, still it came......






    BUMP...SCREECH..BUMP...SCREECH...





    He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........









    The coffin stopped.

  5. 5 Thanks to kevbaz:

    fafster (11th June 2010), Fatmas (11th June 2010), Gatt (11th June 2010), Rydra (11th June 2010), sonic1485 (11th June 2010)

  6. #5

    webman's Avatar
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    It's my boomerang's birthday today! Many happy returns.

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    webman's Avatar
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    Just because someone plugs their keyboard into a speaker socket doesn't make them an idiot. That's just stereotyping.

  8. 3 Thanks to webman:

    Fuzzz (11th June 2010), Gatt (11th June 2010), tech_guy (11th June 2010)

  9. #7

    Gatt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevbaz View Post
    Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club.
    It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......
    LMAO!! heard that one before but it's a cracker everytime you hear it...

  10. #8
    joe90bass's Avatar
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    One for the musicians!

    I have a phobia of playing anything in E Minor

    it gives me the E B G Bs

  11. 3 Thanks to joe90bass:

    Gatt (11th June 2010), solitaire89 (11th June 2010), tech_guy (11th June 2010)

  12. #9
    dirtydog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevbaz View Post
    The coffin stopped.
    As they say... "its not that coughing that carried him off, its the coffin they carried him off in"

  13. #10


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    A priest, feeling a little loney goes to the local pet shop one day.
    "I'm looking for a very religious pet, suitable for a man of my position."
    The show owner replies,
    "I've got just the thing. You see this parrot here, with the 2 pieces of string attached to it's legs? If you tug on the left one, he sings the Lord's Prayer. If you tug on the Right one, he sings a Psalm."
    "PERFECT! I'll take it!" says the priest, and goes for his wallet. "What happens if you pull both strings?" enquires the priest, as he hands over the cash.

    .
    .
    .

    "I fall off my *^&% perch you ^%^$" Responds the parrot.

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