General Chat Thread, Hard time in General; 10 minutes by car is what 4 - 6 miles get a good road bike and you could be at ...
27th April 2010, 12:03 AM #46
10 minutes by car is what 4 - 6 miles get a good road bike and you could be at your hometown in about 20 - 25 minutes.
Seems like a hassle but I used to live in a village with no public transport, only way to get out was to hop on a bike and cycle to the village/town over.
27th April 2010, 12:30 AM #47
1 - the way to make a house a home is to fill it with memories of that house being a happy place.
2 - you may be 10 minutes away from family and friends ... but they are also 10 minutes away from you. Set aside time and space for them to be part of your life in your home.
3 - Fair play to your other half for spotting and helping with the problem. If she has no issue with moving closer to where you want to be then fair play ... but think about renting somewhere near to were you want to be and rent your house out in return ... you may need to look at swapping the mortgage about (and home insurance) but now you are on the property ladder then don't give up.
4 - look at local activities which will allow you to make more friends in your neighbourhood. As scary as it may sound, you might lose a bit of contact with your existing friends by being further away from them ... but you might find even better friends next door.
5 - Some buildings and houses just don't fit ... like a badly tailored suit or boil washed Y-Fronts ... when you are in them you just can't wait to get out. Se what you can do about making it more like where you were ... but if it is people who made you happy then you either have to encourage them to come over to see your new life or you have to move back to where you were.
27th April 2010, 08:12 AM #48
You do seem to be having a rough time - but what concerns me is that you havent once mentioned any attempts to try and enjoy your new area - pubs, neighbours, joining things etc? (you may have done so and just not mentioned it). Have your friends and family been invited around a lot? They need to be part of your new life, not just you part of theirs
The thing is, that life changes, and the friends back in your village will also move on, get married, have children and move away in due time and so things are never going to be quite the same anyway. You may well have a family yourself in the not too distant future?? That'll put paid to too many nights out with the boys!
You have always struck me as a sensible, down to earth sort of bloke, who is able to live his own life and go his own way, so it is strange to hear you say that you have always been in your dad's shadow, and that you like it there! I don't actually think that you are in quite the way that you think.
Maybe you need a longer term plan, especially to minimise any losses money-wise. Could you not plan to throw yourself into local life a bit more, really give it a go for a set time, maybe a year, and THEN start thinking about what to do and where to go? Staying on the mortgage ladder is a really good idea so renting out may be the answer.
I don't think you have really given this new place a chance at all, just looked at is as somewhere you don't want to be that isnt your old home - which of course it can never be. Your OH deserves a bit more of an effort from you (sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it to and I know you arent deliberately upsetting her). For her, moving back could have the same effect that moving did on you -and then where would you be?
You may need a short course of anti-depressants just to give you a lift so that you can start thinking more positively again. It is impossible to 'pull yourself together' if you are that low.
27th April 2010, 08:28 AM #49
Wise words Witch. My middle son lives in Texas and is always hankering to come home (he has a wee lad over there and and now divorced would not come without him) but as I keep telling him people move on. You may still be in their lives but they have their own lives too. I know this from moving away myself. When I go back I see friends but though we are still friendly there are less and less things in common anymore. It is a fact of life. A 10 minute journey home is not a lifetime away. I wish I was only 10 minutes from my son as I can only see him once a year. Be happy in your life cause at the end of the day we are only here once. As Witch says try and throw yourself into this for a period of time and see how you go. I wish you well with this as I know how hard it can be but I also know how liberating it can be too.
27th April 2010, 08:46 AM #50
I think I have bad days and good days. Like yesterday I was so low it was unbelievable, whereas today I woke up happy and lively. It may have something to do with us having a game tonight, and if we win then we win the league.
But I do hope the good days come more often and the bad days fade into the back ground. I think part (or most) of the problem is the next door is a council house which holds a single mother, a 25 yr old and a 15 yr old. The mother seems okay but the lads are chavvy and can go off the rails sometimes when their mum is out. It's only happened twice but I think it's the fear of 'when will it happen again' that makes me not want to go home sometimes.
Thanks for all your comments though - much appreciated
27th April 2010, 09:16 AM #51
So there is more to it than just missing home....
I would have a quiet word with the mum, and if that doesn't work make a complaint to the council.
27th April 2010, 09:21 AM #52
The last time was over a month ago. The houses are getting new roofs on them, and the 15 yr old had a party and come 9 o'clock everyone was climbing the scaffolding. Somebody phoned the police and put an end to it, and the mother dragged the son around the next day apologising to everyone and stating it wouldnt happen again.
Originally Posted by sippo
So I told myself the next time it does happen I'll be phoning the council as I've classed that as the warning to the mother.
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