I turn up to change printer cartridge.
Lady: "Do you want me to put it in for you?"
Me: "That's very kind, but we hardly know each other."
Responding quickly to a service call:
Lady: Ooh your quick
Me: No, its just a romour....
Working under the front office girls desk:
Me: Is it ok for me to work under this Adjacent desk whilst your sitting opposite?
Girl: Yes, you may grovel at my feet anytime you like!
bossman (25th November 2009)
Can't find Printer
- It's over there!
EDIT: In Fact Eddie Izzard put it best-
I've never seen one character in a film
on a computer, in a realistic way going...
"Oh, no, no!
"Put the printer there. The computer. Right.
"Instructions. Hold on. Book of Revelations.
"Right. Control and P. Print!
"Control, P, print.
"Control, P, print.
"'Cannot access printer'?
"I can access printer.
"Why the **** can't you? I've plugged you in.
"***** control, P, print. Control, P, print.
"Control, P, print. Control, P, print."
The computer's going,
"What are you trying to do?"
"I'm trying to print! Control, P, print!"
"But there's something you haven't done."
"What? Tell me what it is. I'll do it."
"No, I can't tell you."
"****** tell me! It's five in the morning!
It's only a paragraph!
"I'm just trying to print the ******!
I used the fax/modem and that ***** it up.
"I can't access it.
It's not being used by something else.
"I'm using the printer port.
Control, P, print. Control, P, print.
"Print, control, P. Print, control, P.
"'A problem of type has occurred.'
"What the ***** is that?
"What are the other problems
I've just missed to get to that one?
"Control, P, print. Control, P, print. Control...
"Oh, don't do that.
"Don't... Don't you crash on me,
"God. I'm so tired. You have no..."
"I don't know what..."
"Right. I'll get that going.
Escape. Control, P. Alt.
"Escape. Control, P. Alt. *******...!
"I'm phoning Amsterdam, you ******.
You speak very good English. Well done.
"Bordered by four countries?
Yes, I know. Problems in land wars.
"Now, I've got a Macintosh computer
plugged into a Canon printer and...
"Yes, I've been into the printer file
and chosen Canon printer.
"Yes, I've chosen the printer port,
which is the same as the fax/modem port,
"which confuses the ***** out of me.
"Yes, I've chosen A paper
instead of toilet paper.
"I've chosen the picture of the dog
standing up, not the one lying down
"as if a taxidermist's had a go at it.
"What the **** ...? It's five in the morning.
There's something wrong with...
"There's an on switch on the printer?
And there's always one ***** thing
you haven't done.
If the world ends through technology
it'll happen through that.
Last edited by ChrisH; 25th November 2009 at 02:21 PM.
Office lady: "Mark how do you get to the start of The Internet?"
Me: "I'll brew some coffee, this conversation may take a while"
A tachyon walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The tachyon replies "You did tomorrow."
LA representative on phone: "With you ISA server setup we can't see into your network"
Me: "That's why we did it"
somabc: do you have an audio of that?
Video - [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6C_HjWr3Nk"]YouTube- Eddie Izzard's Encore on Computers[/ame]
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